In this season of love, a few tips on avoiding the most common online dating mistakes.
Few things can make a person feel more alone than app-driven dating, says Jared Freid, a comedian and co-host of the popular dating podcast “U Up?”
“With the apps, there are more opportunities, but there’s also a lot more rejection,” he says.
When he and his friend Jordana Abraham launched their podcast in 2017, they hoped to help listeners feel a little less alone.
“People are just happy for the commiseration,” he says. “Jordana and I, we’re not experts. We’re just people that will speak honestly, and that’s kind of tough to find.”
“Together we can bring a female and a male perspective to everything,” adds Abraham, who co-founded the digital brand Betches, which produces the podcast.
Commiseration works even better in person, so Freid and Abraham have started bringing their advice to live audiences with “U Up? Live!”
“We take questions from the audience, bring people up onstage and give them dating profile makeovers. It’s a very lively show,” Freid says.
Over the past two years, the “U Up?” duo have noticed some common online dating mistakes. Here are five pitfalls that Freid and Abraham want everyone to avoid.
Don’t act like you’re better than the app.
“A lot of people go on these apps very passively, very hesitantly, like they’re ready to delete it any minute,” Abraham says. “In order for the apps to work, you really have to commit to actually being engaging on them.”
Don’t use a too-cute photo of yourself.
“Whether it’s pictures of you from, like, 2013, or pictures of you where you appear a little thinner or a little better looking than you might actually be, I think that’s a mistake,” Abraham says. If you think you might be doing this, check with a stranger, because “your friends are not going to tell you that your favorite picture doesn’t look like you,” Freid says.
Don’t assume a ton of texts is a good sign.
“A lot of people are judging effort by the fingers and not by the feet,” Freid says. “Do they make the time to meet you at a bar, to do a date, to go meet your friends? That’s real effort. Texting is not effort.”
Don’t let your imagination go wild.
“It’s something we all do. You match with someone and look them up on Instagram, look them up on Facebook — do a gentle stalk — and you’re like, ‘Oh, we’re together. This is perfect. We’re getting married,’ ” Freid says. In addition to setting yourself up for disappointment, you’re also likely to miss connecting with real people instead of the versions you’ve conjured up in your head, he says.
Don’t treat dating like a job.
“It’s so important to remember that this should be fun and you should be able to have a good time with it,” Abraham says. “Dating should be light and fun. We don’t have to take ourselves too seriously.”