Do women sabotage each other in the workplace?

I’m frequently asked why women don’t support other women in their careers. I’ve received dozens of emails and hundreds of comments on past articles I’ve written on women in leadership, detailing how women have let other women down in their offices. Multiple studies have shown men and women prefer male bosses, adding data to the narrative that women just don’t help other women.

I can identify. In a previous job, I was nearly fired for no reason by a woman. The reason I wasn’t was because my male boss advocated for me to stay. Now, I spend weeks developing new clients for my business and have noticed that my efforts are most often shot down by other women. I’ve had women let me down by trying to undermine my knowledge, negotiate down my fee to well below market rates, or even flat out request me to provide my services for free.

Are women really each others’ worst enemy?

I have two thoughts on this, based on my observations and some data. I’d like to add a caveat that so much of this behavior — bullying and sabotage — unfortunately, goes unreported at work.

I believe men are just as likely to bully or undermine their peers at work. I’ve had more men refuse to help my advancement than women, overall. But it’s just not that compelling when men aren’t kind — the narrative of the wicked woman has stood the test of time in fairy tales, pop culture and movies. I’ve seen men excused for arrogance, aggression, bullying and even sexual harassment, but the same behaviors in women incite public shaming and swift action. 

Too many of our organizational structures are quick to negatively judge women for behaviors that are seen as perfectly acceptable in men. Case in point: A woman is considered “bossy” when she exhibits the same traits as male leaders. I’ve found that people are willing to tolerate men who don’t show generosity, compassion or willingness to help others, but women are expected to under all circumstances, or face dire consequences. In addition, I’ve also found that women are asked more often to help than men. This is hard to qualify, although studies show women are disproportionately expected to do “office housework” than men.

Secondly, and more troublingly, I have found that most organizations today provoke a scarcity mentality among women. Workplaces today reiterate that there’s only room for one or two women at the top. This often means that women develop sharp elbows to push other women out of the way for those coveted spots. Indeed, within the majority of corporations, women are represented in leadership positions in single digits. It perpetuates the idea that to advance, women are better off trying to undermine each other, as more than a few women can’t be leaders.

I’m always disappointed when women let each other down considering we need all the help we can get to advance in the face of institutional and structural barriers. I’ve committed to helping as many women and other people from underrepresented backgrounds in the workforce as I can. At the same time, I’m hopeful to see different models of women being leaders and deeper action around creating advancement opportunities for women.

It’s easy to expect women to change, but without changes in the attitudes about gender roles and creating organizational cultures that embrace more women, I’m concerned this trope of women intentionally sabotaging each other will perpetuate. And that continues to let down all women.

Ruchika Tulshyan is a journalist, speaker and author. Connect with her on Twitter at @rtulshyan or her website rtulshyan.com.