“Blake Moynes, will you accept this rose?”
He sure did! And with those words, Renton’s Katie Thurston declared that suitor Blake, whose marriage proposal she’d just accepted, was her choice on Monday’s finale of ABC’s “The Bachelorette.” But between the show’s first episode back in June and that happy moment against a breathlessly pretty New Mexico sky, were 29 other guys, some naughty poetry, shocking exits and a Kleenex truck’s worth of tears.
Canadian native Blake, after a few moments of uncertainty, did get down on one knee, but for a minute there it looked like our hometown heroine might be headed back to Washington state still a single lady. After last week’s angry departure of probable front-runner Greg Grippo, who seemed to forget he was on a dating show, Katie actually told producers to start booking her ticket home. Fortunately Blake, a big, solid dude who could go on the road playing Gaston from “Beauty and The Beast” should his career in wildlife management not work out, was there to sweep Katie off her feet.
Read more about the finale, including a “Say Anything” reference and Katie’s super awkward reunion with Greg below. (Trust us. It’s brutal. If we have to relive it, you do, too.)
The Justin stands alone: After Greg peaced out on Katie, Blake wasn’t the only guy in the mix. Justin Glaze, whose meme-able facial expressions took over Twitter and refused to give it back, was also still there, prepared to take Katie on a date … the day after she confessed her love for Blake and spent the night with him. (OUCH.) Katie let him down as easily as she could, but on the “After the Final Rose” special that ran right after the finale, Justin told her that it felt like he’d been in the final three by default. (QUADRUPLE OUCH.) But everyone acted like a grown-up, and when they wished each other well, you really believed it. Unlike …
We are never, ever getting back together: Y’ALL. Co-hosts Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe teased the first meeting between Greg and Katie since he literally ran away from her. And let’s just say Katie wasn’t ready to let bygones be bygones. It was more “Be gone!” She said she didn’t believe he loved her if he could just leave her crying on the ground begging. Greg said he was sorry she felt that way, which in a breakup conversation sounds like “I’m sorry you tripped and FELL ON YOUR HEART.” It was super uncomfortable, and at the end, Katie told him “I wish nothing but the best for you,” which is both a perhaps unintentional paraphrase of Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughta Know,” and the romantic equivalent of the classic Southern grandma kiss-off “Well, bless your heart.” Because nobody believes you mean it but it’s better than cursing and throwing stuff.
About those boomboxes: It’s possible that some viewers were confused by the men who rose around the “After the Final Rose” set holding giant radios playing former “American Idol” winner Laine Hardy’s song “Memorize You” over their heads. Hardy had appeared on an earlier episode to sing the song during one of Katie and Blake’s dates. The boomboxes themselves are a reference to the 1989 movie “Say Anything” where John Cusack held one above his head to woo back his girl to Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” And if we have to explain what a boombox is, we’re going to cry.
And that’s (almost) a wrap: This is the last of our “Bachelorette” recaps but we’ve got one more rose … er, story left: An interview with Katie Thurston herself coming later this week!