Caution: contains spoilers. Seattle Times columnist Nicole Brodeur and Times reporter Tricia Romano dissect, rehash and dish on season 3, episode 6 of HBO's "Silicon Valley."
In this episode of “Silicon Valley,” the boys meet girls, actual girls. Or, in the case of poor, poor Dinesh, they try to meet girls. But Richard had a hot a date and even Jared brings home a lady. Their awkwardness around actual female people is palpable, but that doesn’t stop Gilfoyle from burning up with jealousy.
Nicole Brodeur: I don’t think Gilfoyle was jealous — he has a girlfriend, right? Somewhere out there? I just think he doesn’t have the patience for the others’ awkward shenanigans. With the exception of Jared, who will henceforth be known as LL Cool J. The man is smooth. And respectful.
Tricia Romano: Well, I could argue that the reason Gilfoyle’s so insistent to Richard that the only way that a girl would talk to anyone but Gilfoyle is because they are paid to (i.e. a bartender or an employee), stems from jealousy. (His line about the girl that Richard is checking out at the restaurant is pure gold, though: “It’s called a bartender. She works here.”) He’s gotta be a little jealous, otherwise, the girls would be all over him, right?
And, OMG, Jared! Who knew! Of all the Pied Piper boys, he’s the one with the smooooth moooooves!
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Nicole: And the best part? It’s NO BIG DEAL to him. He doesn’t flap around like the others do. Or, at least Richard does.
Or is Richard’s new lady, as Gilfoyle says, “A founder hounder.” I learn so much from this show. There is just so much I don’t know about the Tech Life.
Tricia: Can we talk about nerd dating? I have never done what Richard and his date decide to do, but I imagine it must happen. I have friends who are dating who play games together in the same room, but sitting together on the couch and writing code? Romantic.
Of course, the girl, whose name is Winnie, was just testing Richard. It turned out she wasn’t a bartender (take that, Gilfoyle) but worked at Facebook and had gone to M.I.T. She had been nerding out with Dinesh and Gilfoyle about how Richard codes — he likes tabs over spaces — and of course, she uses spaces.
Nicole: I’m trying to think of the non-Nerd equivalent of that. Maybe preferring a Rabbit to open a bottle of wine over a corkscrew and letting that be a total dealbreaker? The only thing I can compare that to is when I broke up with my boyfriend in high school because he got a bad haircut. We got back together, though, once it grew out. In my defense, it was really crooked and bad. I think his sister did it in the garage. During a blackout.
Tricia: We are fickle people, Nicole. We need the very best. No bad hair should be tolerated, even on Brad Pitt. After Richard has a total meltdown over the spaces — “One tab saves you eight spaces” — he storms out and falls down the stairs, and says, while curled up in a ball at the bottom, “I tried to go up eight steps at once.” This went better than Dinesh’s high-definition Skype date did, though.
Nicole: So Dinesh crushes on one of the coders and tells her he’s The Pakistani Denzel. Lots of giggling. (“Yuck. You don’t actually think she was flirting — she works here. She’s paid to interact with you,” Gilfoyle teased him.) Gilfoyle — always with a beer in hand — warns him that the connection is slow, and she may not look so cute IRL.
And here’s where I admit that I can’t help hanging on Gilfoyle’s every word. He’s like a dog whistle.
Tricia: Your crush is soooo huuuge; you should set up a date and code together on the couch.
Poor Dinesh gets his high-def connection and you can see the girl visibly crumble when she gets a good look at him. She suddenly claims to have a boyfriend. She’s missing out — I think Dinesh is pretty cute for a nerd!
Nicole: Meanwhile, over at Hooli, where everything but the free tampons are branded, Gavin Belson wants to know who is talking to Code/Rag (a hilarious faux site that really exists! Check it out! But not until you’re finished with this). Belson wants to sue the blogger to find out who leaked, and she is understandably freaked. She tells this to Bachman, who tells this to Big Head.
Tricia: Big Head, of course, signed an NDA, but he’s too dumb to really understand the trouble he’s in. Erlich has one good idea — tries to convince the blogger to go to jail for not giving up her source in the name of the First Amendment, but she’s like, “nah, I’m just a blogger, screw that.” So, his second idea is to buy the blog for a half million dollars and throw a luau-style party … at Alcatraz. Yes, that Alcatraz. That he helicoptered into. You’d think this is a crazy idea that no one would ever do, but there are legendarily ridiculous parties in Silicon Valley that have supposedly featured tigers and monkeys.
Nicole: And here, it’s a bacchanal if we get a pizza or a sheet cake … never at the same time, of course. This reminds me of the kind of party they hated at the beginning of the series. The one that had Kid Rock and the D-bags.
Tricia: Exactly, they’ve become the thing they hated. Turns out, this might be the last bacchanal Erlich will have for a while. He and Big Head have burned through that $20 million. (Big Head has inexplicably moved the pool several times. How do you move a pool?) He takes the stage just as he’s told he’s cold out of cash. Uh-oh. Aloha — hello, and goodbye.
Nicole: That’s what happens when you buy the crazy house, a boat, buy a blog, move the pool, move it back again and throw a party in a former prison.
And I bring my frigging lunch to work every day.
Best quotes of the episode might all belong to Jared:
When he says he’ll start dating again: “I’ll fan out my plumage, so to speak, and see what pretty birdies might share my nest.”
On making a stuffed animal: “I took a Ziploc bag and stuffed it with newspaper and drew a smile on it.”
On how a gentleman doesn’t tell: “The rest I won’t talk about. It’s untoward.”