“Your ‘Bachelor’ audition is over. GET OUT.”
Renton’s Katie Thurston, the star of “The Bachelorette,” had promised on Twitter that Monday night’s episode was “about to get wild.” She wasn’t lying. The central theme was whether tall, chiseled sentient cartoon character Thomas Jacobs was here for the right reasons, meaning that he was looking for love and not for fame as the next male lead in ABC’s reality date-a-rama.
Thomas admitted to his fellow suitors and eventually to Katie herself that, yeah, OK, he was originally interested in being “The Bachelor,” meaning he’d have to get dumped this season but come back with his own houseful of ladies. But now, he said, he was totally into her, and he was super sorry if he’d hurt anybody, and blah blah blah look at how hot I am! Katie totally seemed like she was about to give him the final rose, until she took a dramatic step away, told Thomas he was a selfish liar and kicked him out. Satisfying! Turns out the reasons he was there don’t matter, because he’s not there anymore.
Here’s what else happened on Monday’s episode:
WELCOME BACK, SUITOR: Blake Moynes, last seen on now co-host Tayshia Adams’ “Bachelorette” season, returned to throw his hat into the proverbial (engagement) ring for Katie. Fresh from tossing Thomas out on his sturdy jaw, Katie told Blake she was letting him onto the show. According to the previews, this puts him in the crosshairs of the other suitors, who notched a victory in getting rid of Thomas and now have one more guy to deal with. Speaking of which …
WHAT SHOW IS THIS ANYWAY?: As several “Bachelorette” fans noted on social media, the guys this season have so far presented a united front in kicking off dudes they don’t like, starting with smug instigator Karl, then Thomas and now maybe Blake. It almost seems more like “Survivor” — where the point is to vote people off the island — than a situation where you’re all dating the same woman. It’s gonna get messy. It’s cool. We have popcorn.
THE THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE: Another “Survivor”-like moment was a silly “Truth or Dare” game where the men had to eat very hot food and then declare their love for Katie. It was sweaty, painful and entertaining. Others in the same challenge had to get a public waxing on the hairiest place on their body, or whisper sweet nothings into a giant fake ear for Katie to hear. Andrew “Andrew S” Spencer’s sexy talk impressed, but previous standout Greg Grippo bombed with an innuendo-filled romp around the map, including the phrase “Things are bigger in Texas,” even though he’s from … New Jersey. Which brings us to our …
WILD FLAILING GUESSES: Before the weird sexytime tour of Texas, we would have said Greg, but Blake seems to be a contender now. And Tre Cooper, who spent much of the episode obsessed with booting Thomas, got an early rose. We’re still not sure he has a shot, but he’s hanging in there. And he’s not Thomas.