One of the great thrills of being an "American Idol" contestant has to be meeting the mentors. Here are these famous people, like Tuesday night's mentor, Academy Award-winner Jamie Foxx, who come by to help you work out a song for the show and give critical advice during a time in your life when you...

Share story

AI9_MentorJamie_046.jpgOne of the great thrills of being an “American Idol” contestant has to be meeting the mentors. Here are these famous people, like Tuesday night’s mentor, Academy Award-winner Jamie Foxx, who come by to help you work out a song for the show and give critical advice during a time in your life when you really need it.

Only, instead of real help, he stares at you intently, tells you to sing to his face, and when you’re done, you get a really neat T-shirt. You look at it, thinking to yourself, “did he just give me a T-shirt as a souvenir?” But you write it off, thinking that, “well, at least I’m special enough to get a gift from a great singer/actor. And, besides, he customized it by printing ‘Artist’ on the front. I am an artist! Yay, me!”

Unless, that is, if you’re Michael Lynche. Foxx brought his jerkiness to world-class heights during his encounter with Big Mike, deeming him to just be a “Contestant” via his T-shirt gift.

Thanks, Jamie.

I’m guessing that Foxx’s bodyguards were particularly big and mean-looking, as he was able to make it to the live show without a shirt sticking out of one of his body cavities.

This week the Idolists (yes, I made that word up and trademarked it – -look for it on a black T-shirt) probably didn’t really need a mentor, especially one as insulting as Foxx. They have survived the weeks upon weeks of dueling Idol producers, Idol stylists, each other, the judges, and the voting public. So maybe they are pretty sure of themselves at this point.

Quite a lot has been written about how lousy the show is this year. But I don’t think enough has been written about how good these final singers actually are. Sure, they aren’t polished professionals, but isn’t that the point of the show: to find hidden gems among the talentless masses of karaoke singers that populate our great country?

Let’s take, for instance, Lee DeWyze, who may or may not have some “pitch problems.” (Being tone-deaf myself, I couldn’t tell you.) Well, if you remember Jamie Foxx’s auto-tuner-run-amok performance from last season, maybe Lee doesn’t have a problem at all. He is really a hip-hop “artist” without the need for computer help and can change his voice’s key randomly by himself. He is now ready to join the Black Eyed Peas. I hope he looks good in silver latex.

Likewise, Crystal Bowersox is definitely ready for a great career as a recording “artist.” She has a great, soulful voice that is moving and authentic. Sure, she may not have the greatest pop-star look with a missing tooth, tattoos on her back, and blonde, withering dreadlocks. But since MTV or VH1 never show any videos anymore, looks don’t really matter much anymore. Right?

Oh, and there were some other singers tonight, and they played their guitars and/or mandolins really well. They probably won’t win, though. But they sing great! And Jamie Foxx thinks that they are “artists” and/or “contestants.” So they have that going for them.