There are plenty of folks looking for work out there and a few more that are about to be jobless, so I've got to think that the perfect Simon Cowell successor is out there somewhere.

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The premiere of Season 9 of “American Idol,” the last season in which Mr. Simon Cowell will grace the judges’ stand, arrives on your TV screen tonight at 8. It will feature two hours of possibly-awful, possibly-listenable auditions from Boston.

Programming note: UPDATE: Not sure I’ll be able to snag the East Coast feed this time around. But if I can, I’ll be up and running after 5 p.m. Pacific. Otherwise, I’ll be watching at 8 Pacific and doing some live notes until 10. Check back at this blog at 5 p.m. Pacific, 8 p.m. Eastern for live coverage of the premiere. Bob will open a chat window and together we can mock everyone in real time. It should be great fun.

Meantime, there are plenty of folks looking for work out there and a few more that are about to be jobless, so I’ve got to think that the perfect Simon successor is out there somewhere. Finding someone who knows music, slobbers sarcasm, has above average eye rolling skills and a head big enough to wear the King of Mean crown is harder than you think. Consider the following:

Piers Morgan? A good solid bet. He has the music credentials and he’s even snottier than Simon. Besides, we Americans love a good British accent. Right?


How about Jon Bon Jovi? This would absolutely be my personal choice. Love his music, enjoy the eye candy.


Sean “Diddy” Combs? How great would this be? Here’s a guy that drips music in every way. And he’d bring much-needed fashion sense to the show. Can you imagine him trying to hold back a snarky giggle during auditions? Makes me crack up just thinking about it.


Alexis Stewart and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt from “Whatever Martha”? They most definitely call it like they see it and are hilariously mean. If you don’t know them, go find them.