If you are reading this, you are too old to trick-or-treat. I know it seems unfair — when children knock on strangers’ doors wearing masks it’s cute, but when adults do it, someone just calls the cops. If you have children, perhaps you can use them as a human shield of virtue — while you secretly plan to steal their candy after their bedtime — but otherwise you should probably find a party to go to.
But what’s that, you say? Halloween parties are not for you? Perhaps you love fear, but hate costumes, or just can’t find the sexy version of the vegetable you wanted to be on Amazon. If you want to buck the trend and do something different — but still in the spirit of the season — look no further:
1. “Violet’s Attic: A Grand Ball for Wicked Dolls”
Submit yourself fully into the terror that only dolls can invoke with Cafe Nordo’s immersive culinary and theatrical experience. This one is for people who like dressing up. You, audience member, are to arrive dressed as a doll of your choice and attend a giant doll party, complete with a menu of cartoonishly oversized “candies” made of adult foods like sea scallops and hazelnut-stuffed pork loin, while all around you, performers swirl in a cloud of music and comedy … and occasional horror.
7:30 p.m. Wednesdays-Saturdays, 6 p.m. Sundays through Nov. 23; Cafe Nordo, 109 S. Main St., Seattle; tickets start at $69; 206-209-2002, cafenordo.com
2. Trolloween — The Haunt of Fremont
It is rare to find a public bacchanal in the Pacific Northwest, but on All Hallows’ Eve, the Fremont Troll celebrates his birthday and the Fremont Arts Council sanctions an annual street party of troll worshippers in his honor. Revelers will gather at 7 p.m. under the Fremont Bridge and, at 7:45 p.m., start frolicking through the streets of the neighborhood. This is as close to trick-or-treating adult you is going to get, so polish up that costume.
7 p.m. Thursday, Oct. 31; the Fremont Troll, 3405 Troll Ave. N., Seattle; free unless you’d like to donate online; 206-547-7440; fremontartscouncil.org/trolloween
3. True crime/ghost tour
If your taste for scares runs more toward true crime, you can get a new perspective on the Emerald City with a true-crime tour from well-reviewed tour company Private Eye On Seattle Ghost & True Crime Tours. They cover murders, ghosts — both recent and historical — and notorious sites of the kind of mischief and mayhem you’re looking for on Halloween, if only vicariously. That dark alley you walk down every night will never feel the same again.
Tours last 2.5 to 3 hours and are by reservation only; no children under 12; $30-$35; all over Seattle; 206-365-3739; privateeyetours.com
4. After Hours: Halloween! at the Seattle Aquarium
Is “Jaws” your idea of a horror movie? Or perhaps, “Finding Nemo?” Spend Halloween night at an adults-only shindig at the Seattle Aquarium. Besides the edu-taining info available about the sea creatures of the deep (the true stuff of nightmares), there will be a bit of gore in the form of a squid dissection and a pumpkin-carving demo. With music, a cash bar and Halloween-themed signature cocktails, it’s the perfect source of shivers for those of us who sniff dismissively at haunted houses, but get positively incontinent at the idea of being touched by a fish.
6:30-9:30 p.m. Thursday, Oct. 31; the Seattle Aquarium, 1483 Alaskan Way, Seattle; $25, 21-and-over; 206-386-4300, seattleaquarium.org/events/after-hours-oct
5. Go to the theater
If you hate the pressure of finding a costume that perfectly straddles the line between erudite and alluring (hello, sexy Mister Rogers!) but like costumes in theory, why not go to the theater, where you can pay people to wear them for you? For a little skin, try the Can Can Culinary Cabaret’s burlesque take on Tim Burton’s “Nightmare Before Christmas.” The show is called “This is Halloween” (see what they did there?), and if the high kicks don’t do it for you, seeing Burton’s lushly macabre world in 3-D will. You could also see Seattle Shakespeare Company’s “The Tempest” — it’s not a Halloween play per se, but shipwrecks are terrifying and the makeup on Caliban looks like what happens when the members of KISS go out in the rain. And if you want to go with a seasonal classic, go see Steven Dietz’s “Dracula” at ACT Theatre, an adaptation that creates a Nancy Drew-like girl detective out of the usually-passive Mina.
“This is Halloween,” through Thursday, Oct. 31; Can Can Culinary Cabaret at the Triple Door, 216 Union St., Seattle; tickets start at $29; 206-652-0832; thecancan.com
“The Tempest,” through Nov. 10; Seattle Shakespeare Company at Seattle Center’s Center Theatre, 305 Harrison St., Seattle; tickets start at $36; 206-733-8222; seattleshakespeare.org
“Dracula,” through Nov. 17; ACT Theatre, 700 Union Street, Seattle; tickets start at $27; 206-292-7676; acttheatre.org