What’s a guy to do when his “wife” won’t get off his back?
Ville Parviainen, with teammate Janette Oksman aboard, covered a grueling 278-yard obstacle course in 1 minute 3.75 seconds last Saturday to capture the 19th Wife Carrying World Championships in Sonkajarvi, Finland, unseating the five-time defending champions, Taisto Miettinen and Kristiina Haapalainen.
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• At Fark.com: “Rob Gronkowski on track to play Week 1, be out for the season by Week 5.”
Bullish on photos
Tour de France cyclists say spectators taking selfies while standing in the road of oncoming competitors is putting the riders in danger.
Too bad this fad hasn’t caught on at the Running of the Bulls.
Author, heal thyself
From the Sometimes These Items Just Write Themselves file comes word that among those gored (in the thigh) this year was Bill Hillman — co-author of “How to Survive the Bulls of Pamplona.”
Paging Boss Hogg
A raging Clippers owner Donald Sterling, on the subject of his spouse Shelly, told an L.A. courtroom that:
a) She’s “a pig.”
b) He’d like to give the World Wife Carrying Championships a try.
AL, NL, NSA
Someone hacked into the Houston Astros’ database and posted details from six months of trade talks online.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” said the Moscow Reds GM, Edward Snowden.
Talking the talk
• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on the news that the Twins’ Target Field will have self-serve beer machines at Tuesday’s All-Star Game: “ Big deal. My dad had a self-serving beer machine 30 years ago. It was called ‘Jimmy.’ ”
• Josh Sens of Golf Digest, recalling a golf tip he received: “Mark Calcavecchia once suggested that I take two weeks off, then quit.”
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Jim Brown claimed his 1964 NFL championship ring was stolen: “Descendants of Nikita Khrushchev say the ring was ‘a gift.’ ”
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the University of Miami recruiting a 9-year-old basketball prodigy: “Because it’s Miami, an alumnus already allegedly gave her a Big Wheel.”
San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich has agreed to a multiyear contract extension with the NBA champs.
In keeping with Spurs tradition, team lawyers passed the contract five times before they’d let him sign it.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org