No fair — Chicago has a century’s worth of Cubs futility!

In any event, the Windy City and Boston came in 1-2 when the Humor Research Lab used an elaborate algorithm to find America’s funniest cities.

Boston’s hopes for top honors were reportedly dashed when somebody caught Bill Belichick’s standup act.


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• At “Penguins stage big third-period comeback after reading mean tweets about themselves during intermission.”

• At “Scouts confident Johnny Manziel has enough character issues to succeed in NFL.

Golden Gloves oldie

Light-heavyweight Bernard Hopkins, 49, made history in Washington, D.C., when he outpointed Kazakhstan’s Beibut Shumenov to become the oldest fighter to unify boxing title belts:


Mark your calendars

The NFL draft is fast approaching, but this year there’s an added twist.

If Mel Kiper sees his shadow, we get to go six whole weeks until he unveils his first mock draft for 2015.

Tweet of the Week

From Grand Rapids (Mich.) Griffins hockey player Mitch Callahan, who took a puck to the mouth: “The wires are off after a torturous 2 long weeks. Can finally talk again. Just excuse the ridiculous lisp due to having half the teeth gone.”

Happy birthday

Cowboys QB Tony Romo turned 34 on Monday.

Meanwhile, his back turned 64.

Stat of the Week

According to ESPN, the Tigers’ Miguel Cabrera and Hall of Famer Hank Aaron shared these same career numbers on their 31st birthdays: .320 batting average, 366 home runs and 796 extra-base hits.

Keeping a lid on it

Some 1,500 49ers fans have signed a petition in protest of the new Bay Area Rapid Transit trains’ interiors in the rival Seahawks’ green and blue colors.

Conversely, nary a peep over any red-and-gold Jim Harbaugh toilet seats in Seattle.

Bad smoke signal

Sure sign you might want to give your star player a drug test: He puts in a jersey request for No. 420.

Quote marks

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, after Nets player Andrei Kirilenko announced he will open the first Hooters restaurant in Russia this month: “It’s probably the only way to keep the Russians from going into Ukraine.”

• NBC’s Seth Meyers, on NBA commissioner Adam Silver’s plan to raise the minimum player age from 19 to 20: “The league’s age maximum will continue to be Kevin Garnett.”

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, recalling the Pistons’ “Bad Boys” era: “It was back when the jerseys didn’t have sleeves. And neither did the shorts.”

• NCAA president Mark Emmert, to ESPN Radio, on relaxing food rules for student-athletes: “If UConn wants to feed Shabazz breakfast in bed every day, they can.”

Hold that line

Nebraska coach Bo Pelini let a cheerleader call a play during the Cornhuskers’ spring football game.

Just one problem: The entire backfield was in motion.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or