We’re No. 1!

Seattle — with just one championship to show for a combined 115 seasons of NFL, MLB and NBA play — beat out the likes of Atlanta, Phoenix, Buffalo and San Diego for the honor of America’s most miserable sports city, in the estimation of Forbes magazine.

“Let us count the ways to misery,” the magazine’s synopsis. “The Sonics are now one of the NBA’s elite teams — in Oklahoma City. A push to get basketball back via Sacramento didn’t make it. The 116-win Mariners of 2001 couldn’t finish the job. And a controversial call in the 2005 Super Bowl helped ensure a Seahawks loss to Pittsburgh.”

Not satisfied

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LeBron James is seriously giving “some very heavy thought” to running for the top spot in the NBA players’ union.

He’s already king — and he wants to be president, too?

Vital Statistics Dept.

In case you missed the latest baseball news, Joe Mauer’s wife had twins and David Ortiz had a cow.

Dishing it out

Mea culpa on QB Drew Brees’ $3 tip on a $74.41 restaurant bill — it was a “to go” order.

On the bright side, noted Times reader Bill Littlejohn, “It’s the first Saints takeout order that didn’t involve an injury to an opposing player.”

Run for your life

Titans running back Chris Johnson says he was going full speed — for good reason — when he raced a big cat for a National Geographic TV special.

“It was a cheetah,” he told AP. “I had to.”

False start

Q: What do you call it when an NFL player is late getting to practice?

A: Arraign delay.

Talking the talk

• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on the man who tried to rob a gun store in Beaverton, Ore., armed with a baseball bat: “There’s a guy who’ll get three strikes with just one crime.”

• Hall of Famer Dave Winfield, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on baseball’s PED users: “They got their money, they won their awards and they lost their reputations.”

• Neon sign in the cafeteria of Oregon’s new six-story football facility: “Eat your enemies and the other food groups.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the six King Georges in Britain’s royal history: “It’s the same basic principle as Uga at the University of Georgia.”

Show of hands

The NFL totally revamped its lackluster Pro Bowl, eliminating kickoffs, changing possession after each quarter and having captains select their rosters, fantasy-football style.

So what’s next — replacing the pregame coin flip with rock/paper/scissors?

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com