Does Lane Kiffin coach at Florida Atlantic, or Bring ’Em Young? The FAU football coach just offered a scholarship to a 13-year-old, Kaden Martin, the son of USC offensive coordinator Tee Martin.

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Does Lane Kiffin coach at Florida Atlantic, or Bring ’Em Young?

The FAU football coach just offered a scholarship to a 13-year-old, Kaden Martin, the son of USC offensive coordinator Tee Martin.

So what’s next — Kiffin showing up, hat in hand, at Serena Williams’ next ultrasound exam?

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “EA Sports announces Madden 18 with Tom Brady on the cover will have ‘the most cheat codes ever.’ ”

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• At TheKicker.com: “Skip Bayless blasts LeBron for resting between series.”

Pass the carrots

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians is coming out with a book titled “The Quarterback Whisperer.”

Spoiler alert: The secret to winning over Ben Roethlisberger is two sugar cubes and a scratch between the ears.

TV quiz

“Firehouse,” a new ABC drama based in Seattle, will center around:

a) firefighters

b) the Mariners’ bullpen

He do run run

Salt Lake Bees infielder Nolan Fontana won a game in the bottom of the 11th with a walkoff home run — and an inside-the-park job, at that.

On second thought, wouldn’t that make it a run-off homer?

Tanks a lot

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban says his team lost on purpose this past season after it was eliminated from playoff contention.

Which also probably explains their 8-7 game score against the Nets.

Brake time is over

Reds stolen-base champ Billy Hamilton has challenged John Ross III, the Bengals rookie receiver who broke the NFL combine record, to a 40-yard dash.

Hamilton’s biggest challenge, pundits predict, will be resisting the urge to slide after 90 feet.

What a way to go

NBA combine question of the year: Kansas guard Frank Mason III says he was asked how he preferred to die.

No truth to the rumor his answer was “getting drafted by the New Jersey Nets.”

Beware of curves

What better pitcher to throw offspeed stuff in garbage time than Seattle U’s right-hander Janson Junk?

Tums not included

Food fare at Tampa Bay Rays games includes a 4-pound hamburger and fries, with game tickets and other prizes awarded to anyone who can eat it in 30 minutes.

Fortunately, no one has yet to channel their inner Ernie Banks and said, “Let’s eat two.”

Watch your exhaust

NASCAR made driver Carl Long strip of the logo of “Veedverks” — a marijuana-vaping company — from his car.

On the bright side, though, he still gets to smoke his tires.

Watch your wallet

Dozens of countries were hit by a huge cyberextortion attack last weekend.

Speaking of which, the invoice for your personal seat license should be arriving in the mail any day now.

Paging O Henry

Hear about the modern-day remake of “The Ransom of Red Chief”?

Hackers get their hands on the Cleveland Browns’ 2017 highlight film and try to hold it for ransom.

Holding call

Weather problems have pushed the opening of the Rams and Chargers’ new stadium in Inglewood, Calif., back a full year, until 2020.

The construction agreement, we assume, spells out a delay-of-games penalty.

Pass the Cheetos

Pot-loving ex-NFL running back Ricky Williams will be a keynote speaker at the Southeast Cannabis Conference and Expo next month in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

What, was the Mile High City booked?

Talking the talk

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on former Olympic skater Michelle Kwan filing for divorce from Clay Pell: “Word is he has gone into hiding and swears he is being followed by Jeff Gillooly.”

• Jazz swingman Joe Ingles, to the Deseret News, on opposing players’ complaints that Salt Lake City has no nightlife: “I’ve got 9-month-old twins. My nightlife finishes about 8 p.m.”

More headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Gronk says he will be discreet about top-secret information shared with him by Donald Trump.”

• At TheKicker.com: “Awkward: Yankees invite all of Jeter’s exes to Derek Jeter Day.”

On a fast break

Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard was pulled over in Dunwoody, Ga., for going 95 mph in a 65-mph zone.

His lawyers plan to put up an unusual defense: He wasn’t in the lane for three seconds.

Head games

Some 25 NFL teams have purchased the ZERO1 helmet from Seattle-based Vicis for testing in offseason practices this spring.

Insiders say it’ll be the league’s biggest helmet breakthrough since Mel Kiper’s hairdo.

Quote marks

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the NFL denied serial dope-smoker Josh Gordon’s appeal for reinstatement: “Now if he’d only hit a woman while in a steroid-induced rage after being caught with a DUI, he’d be back by midseason.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after a Salt Lake Bees pitcher was called for a balk after a gust of wind blew him off the mound: “OK, I’m thinking there’s no need to test this guy for performance-enhancers.”

• San Antonio Star Monique Currie, when asked what her not-so-friendly in-game conversation with New York’s Brittany Boyd was about: “I couldn’t think straight because her breath was stinking.”

Injury of the Week

Blue Jays outfielder Darrell Ceciliani landed on the disabled list after he partially dislocated his left shoulder — while hitting a home run.