Sideline Chatter

Norman Chad is no fan of baseball’s instant replay.

”Replay just upsets the balance of life, like a sabermetrician at a strip club,” the syndicated columnist wrote. ”With replay, God probably doesn’t create heaven and earth, the sea and all that’s in them in under a week; on the seventh day he wouldn’t have rested, he’d be warding off legal challenges and environmental-impact studies about his placement of the Brazilian rainforest.

“Here’s a novel concept: Play the games, make the calls and move on. This worked really, really well for a really, really long time.”

Uneasy in D.C.

Hear about Redskins owner Daniel Snyder waking up in a cold sweat?

Apparently he dreamt that Adam Silver had just been named NFL commissioner.

Names in the game

Arizona and Arizona State are suddenly rivals in yet another sport — roller derby, a club sport — with the Wildcats winning the teams’ first-ever meeting, 341-115, on April 26.

The Derby Devils somehow lost despite fielding a lineup that included Stone Cold Jane Austen, Maiden Asia, Nun Meaner, Sigmund Droid and Haute Flash.

Headline

• At SportsPickle.com: “Exclusive: Mel Kiper’s Mock Draft 83.0.”

Flare for the dramatic

A fan of Poland’s Zaglebie Lubin soccer team who lit a flare got pepper-sprayed by a security guard, setting him ablaze.

Well, that’s one way to get the crowd fired up.

One-hip wonder

Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari underwent hip-replacement surgery.

Doctors reportedly pressed him to do a double replacement, but he wanted to be one-and-done.

Talko time

• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after Florida State QB Jameis Winston got pinched for taking $32 worth of seafood from a grocery store: “Winston obviously misunderstood the FSU coaches when they talked about the school’s offseason ’lifting program.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the San Jose Sharks blew a 3-0 playoff-series lead, losing Game 7 at home: “Who knew Shark Tank was redundant?”

• CBS’s David Letterman, on Oprah Winfrey wanting to buy the L.A. Clippers: “The new team physician will be Dr. Phil.”

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on Pac-12 football coaches sniping at the SEC for playing just an eight-game conference schedule: “Isn’t this sort of like the poodle yapping at the pit bull for not being tough enough?”

Pray ball

City officials in Orlando, Fla., are haggling with Faith Deliverance Temple over a piece of land for a potential Major League Soccer stadium.

Soccer pundits anticipate a bevy of Hand of God goals.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250

or dperry@seattletimes.com`