Sideline Chatter

Bet this perp wasn’t very good at Rock / Paper / Scissors, either.

A 22-year-old man in Beaverton, Ore., made the mistake of using a baseball bat and a knife to rob a store — a store named Discount Gun Sales.

The owner merely pulled out some of his inventory, ordered him to drop his weapons and held him until police arrived.

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• At “Urban Meyer to Buckeyes player robbing him at gunpoint: ‘You owe me a long day in the weightroom tomorrow.’ ”

• At “Supreme Court agrees to hear case determining whether Joe Flacco is elite.”

Letter rip

The Milwaukee Brewers have apologized to a fan who got hassled by stadium security for altering the name on her Ryan Braun jersey to read “Fraud.”

Luckily for A-Fraud’s team, the Yankees don’t put players’ names on the backs of their jerseys.

Blue-chip lineman

Spike TV is going sasquatch hunting with a reality series called “10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty,” with payment of the reward loot guaranteed by:

a) Lloyd’s of London

b) SEC football recruiters

Winners must be present

Forty-Niners cornerback Tarell Brown — after losing $2 million because he didn’t do offseason workouts at team headquarters, as called for in his contract — has fired his agent for not telling him about the practice requirements.

Here’s guessing his next agent probably won’t be Allen Iverson.

Some comebacker

Give-and-take between ESPN’s Buster Olney and Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, as tweeted by ex-outfielder Gabe Kapler:

Olney: “(Curt) Schilling wants to know why you’re not hitting more HRs?”

Pedroia: “Because I’m not facing him.”

Well, except for him

“I think it’s safe to say every coach in the NFL is feeling upbeat this time of year,” wrote The Miami Herald’s Greg Cote as training camps opened. “Wait. OK, maybe not the New England Patriots’ tight-ends coach. But everybody else!”

Talko time

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on Sylvester Stallone, 67, making plans for a seventh “Rocky” movie: “You can tell he’s getting up there, because instead of running up those famous stairs, now Rocky just takes the elevator.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Florida linebacker who got hauled in after barking at a police dog: “It’s still unclear if he was taken to jail or the Humane Society.”

• RJ Currie of, on Carly Rae Jepsen’s off-target ceremonial toss before a Rays game: “You’d think a singer would have better pitch control.”

• TNT’s Conan O’Brien, on reports that LeBron James won’t be a member of the next U.S. Olympic basketball team: “LeBron said he won’t play for any country that has less money than he does.”

Giant sacrifice

Giants receiver Victor Cruz, attempting to clarify his earlier grousing remarks, told reporters “I don’t feel underpaid at all” after signing a six-year, $45.9 million contract.

Well, that’s a relief: A guy can still scrimp by on just $147,000 a week!

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or