You can play golf like the pros do! Well, at least one pro: the Czech Republic's Jakub Svoboda, who withdrew from a European Tour stop in...

You can play golf like the pros do!

Well, at least one pro: the Czech Republic’s Jakub Svoboda, who withdrew from a European Tour stop in Morocco last week after carding two double-bogeys, two quintuple-bogeys, a quadruple-bogey and a triple-bogey on the first six holes.

That pencils out to a 46 — or, projected over 18 holes, a 138.

Battered up

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Some 2013 slogans for MLB teams, from

New York Yankees: “We still have 27 World Series titles, so shut up.”

Tampa Bay Rays: “Great baseball without all that annoying fan noise.”

Washington Nationals: “Only six years left with Bryce Harper before he signs with the Yankees! Enjoy him while you can!”

He’s going places

Blue-chip QB prospect Gunner Kiel — who committed to Indiana and LSU before signing with Notre Dame — announced he’s moving on again.

Maybe they ought to just start calling him Scatter-Gunner.

Soccer quiz

The sight of all that white stuff at a World Cup qualifying game in Commerce, Colo., was termed:

a) “a nightmare,” by the losing Costa Ricans.

b) “a dream,” by Diego Maradona.

Paging Don Adams

UCLA? Get Shaka Smart? Missed him by THAT much.

Repaging John Wooden

So, UCLA hires a dyed-in-the-wool Hoosier to coach its basketball team?

Right — as if that would ever work.

Guarding the basket

“This is the weekend we go from the Sweet 16 to the Final Four,” noted comedy writer Tim Hunter. “Of course, I’m talking about the Cadbury eggs in our house.”

Talko time

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on reports that singer Dionne Warwick owes the IRS $10 million: “Could be worse. She could be like the Magic and owe $10 million to Hedo Turkoglu.”

• Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News, not impressed with Notre Dame’s NCAA tournament uniforms: “That was an outfit even Manti Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend wouldn’t have been caught, well, dead in.”

• Headline at “Vernon Wells unsure how he’ll fit in with aging, overpaid Yankees.”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on North Korea threatening war again: “Or as Obama put it, ‘Can’t believe I’m doing this. Get me Dennis Rodman.’ “

Bronx bummer

Hear about Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner waking up in a cold sweat the other morning?

Dreams involving the words “disabled-list luxury tax” will do that to a guy.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or