Sideline Chatter

This guy took his own bite out of crime.

Bradley Hardison, wanted in connection with two local break-ins, pushed his luck by showing up at the Elizabeth City (N.C.) Police Department’s National Night Out Against Crime, defeating the cops in a doughnut-eating contest — eight in two minutes — and getting his picture in the paper.

“When I came in that morning and read that article I was (ticked) because it’s like throwing it in our face,” Lt. Max Robeson told WTKR-TV. “We’ve been looking for you for months. I didn’t ask him if he won a trophy — he probably did.

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“I did congratulate him … He can eat a lot of doughnuts.”

Baseball headlines


• “Cardinals to donate $1,000 to charity every time John Lackey hits a batter.”

• “Fan at Indians game upset to find someone else in his section.”

Ducks 685, Eagles 2

The Philadelphia Eagles are thinking about resurrecting their old kelly-green outfits from the Randall Cunningham era.

“Two uniform combinations down, 683 to go,” said Eagles coach Chip Kelly, hearkening back to his Oregon days.

Roll the video

The “The Hundred-Foot Journey” is a new film about:

a) A growing rivalry between Indian and French restaurateurs.

b) The Broncos’ struggle to amass 27 rushing yards in Super Bowl XLVIII.

That’s, uh, cool

Washington, D.C., emerged No. 1 when Forbes came out with its rankings of “the coolest cities in America.

Cracked ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel: “That’s like Good Housekeeping naming the snowboarder of the year.”

No sweat

A new study says working out too much can harm your body.

”Yippee!” said every guy in America with a TV remote in one hand and a beer in the other.

Talko time

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on golfer Dustin Johnson’s forced hiatus: “The PGA suspected he had a coke problem before the AT&T Pebble Beach celebrity Pro-Am in January when every celebrity asked to be paired with Dustin Johnson.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Bengals backup QB Matt Scott vomited and threw a TD pass — on the same drive — in the exhibition opener: “A puke-six?”

• Blogger Chad Picasner, after the Mets’ toy-truck giveaway inadvertently included one with a Phillies logo on it: “It appears the publicity department is no better than the team.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after four 90-something men set a world record in the 4×100-meter relay at the U.S. Masters track and field championships: “Most impressive: The only juicing they did involves prunes.”

Bald lie

Golfer Chris Wood completely split the seat of his pants en route to his first-round 66 at Valhalla on Thursday.

In other words, they tried to hold a PGA Championship — and a skins game broke out.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or