Wake up the whackos!
A baseball coach in South Bend, Ind., was arrested and charged with assault, WBND-TV reported, after he jumped the opposing coach and started pummeling him.
Bonus points for absurdity: It happened during a T-ball game.
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• At SportsPickle.com: “NFL announces deal with Lexington National Bail Bonds to become the official bail bonds of the NFL.”
• At TheOnion.com: “David Stern blocks Kevin Durant engagement to WNBA’s Monica Wright.”
Brazilian teen Maurides wound up getting carried off the field on a stretcher after he twisted his knee doing a cartwheel/back flip routine to celebrate his first pro soccer goal.
No chance he’ll win this year’s Golden Boot Award, insiders say, but he’s got a heck of a shot at the Gramatica Award.
Among the top 10 signs your country is too fat, from CBS’s David Letterman:
• “National bird is the fried chicken.
• “Official language has 50 words for bacon.
• “You’re the only country drilling for olive oil.
• “It’s illegal to yell ‘free cookies!’ in a crowded theater.”
Running to doughnut
The CFL’s Hamilton Tiger-Cats secured a naming-rights deal for their new stadium — with doughnut conglomerate Tim Hortons.
Running backs are already salivating: holes galore!
Circle the dates
The Green Bay Packers say they’ll retire Brett Favre’s No. 4 jersey by 2016.
To humor the waffling QB, the Packers agreed to let him change his mind on the ceremonial date up to six times.
Former Jets QB Erik Ainge had to channel his inner Yogi Berra to explain how Mark Sanchez manages to get in so much off-field mischief.
“He’s dumb about it,” Ainge told Metro New York. “He’s stupid while being stupid. You have to be smart while being stupid, and he’s dumb while being dumb.”
• Frankie Frisco of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, on Dennis Rodman’s new line of Bad Boy Vodka: “How about Bad Boy Tequila? That seems like a natural for The Worm.”
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after a bystander threw urine on Tour de France rider Mark Cavendish: “I wonder if it tested negative.”
• Lucy Millsap, 19, to NewsOK.com, when asked what she named the 72-pound catfish she caught barehanded to win the 14th annual Okie Noodling Festival: “Dinner.”
Tanks for nothing
Two soccer players from heavy underdog Belize say they rejected a large bribe to fix a CONCACAF match this month — which turned out to be a 6-1 U.S. victory, anyway.
So what’s next, hitting up the Washington Generals to tank it?
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com