What’s next, BCS bobbleheads?
The Class A Lake County (Ohio) Captains will stage Mark Emmert Fan Appreciation Night in honor of the beleaguered NCAA honcho on July 2, featuring:
• Fans being allowed to move to a different seat — after a one-inning waiting period;
• Trading-card giveaways — of “one-and-done” basketball players;
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• A “$100 handshake” for one lucky fan; and
• No pay for the players.
(Relax, fellas: Just kidding on that last one.)
• At SportsPickle.com: “FIFA officials discover dozens of gnawed-off body parts in Luis Suarez’s locker.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Man watching World Cup thought he would’ve seen more bicycle kicks by now.”
Safety Tray Matthews, kicked off the Georgia football team, announced he will transfer to rival Auburn.
Bulldog fans immediately called for an SEC insider-trading probe.
From Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press: “Why is Eastern Michigan putting in a gray football field?
“a) It wanted a neutral field.
“b) So it can bid to host the Grey Cup.
“c) You can easily touch it up with Just for Men.”
Numb and number
Texas Rangers pitchers lead the American League in shutouts (13), pointed out Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, yet have the league’s worst earned-run average (4.51).
• Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on the “Field of Dreams” 25-year cast reunion at the film’s Iowa baseball field: “In the modern-day version, the little girl chokes on the hot dog and then hires an attorney who sues everyone present.”
• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, after the Marlins tied a record with their 13th consecutive interleague win: “A reminder that only Guinness keeps track of more obscure records than baseball does.”
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after an Oregon high school won a three-game baseball series by a combined score of 127-1: “In a sign of the times, the losing coach blamed all three losses on bad calls by the umpires.”
Here’s the pitch
Guess the Cubs and Reds caught World Cup fever at Wrigley Field on Monday.
It was still 1-1 in the 90th minute.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org