The Los Angeles Sparks hit just 2 of 37 three-pointers in losing their first-round WNBA playoff series.

Needless to say, they weren’t playing in the Target Center.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Manager inspires Marlins with clubhouse reading of contractual obligations to play out season.”

• At SportsPickle.com: “Report: All of the 49ers may have been drunk the last two weeks.”

Stark Raven nuts

“Hit over the head by a stripper wielding a Champagne bottle on a party bus” is:

a) Ravens receiver Jacoby Jones’ latest claim to fame.

b) a game of Clue gone amok.

Bee-squad games

Sunday’s Angels-Mariners game was twice delayed by a swarm of bees in right field — three months after a similar swarm in Kansas City took up residence in L.A.’s dugout.

Coincidence? Some 21 of the 33 players on the Angels’ September roster played Triple-A ball for the Salt Lake City Bees.

Gotta dash

Tuesday, in case you missed it, was National Punctuation Day.

So why wasn’t Bartolo Colon pitching?

Work duds

Advertising account executive, surgeon and stockbroker came in 1-2-3 in CareerCast.com’s ranking of the most overrated jobs of 2013.

Two baseball jobs somehow missing the cut: Marlins luxury-tax auditor and Blue Jays title-parade planner.

Quote marks

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, after police arrested two men who allegedly tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo in New Hampshire: “Cops became suspicious when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going more than 10 miles an hour.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Mike Tyson saying he wants to become a promoter to give the sport a boost: “If this ex-con with the facial tattoo who once bit part of the ear off a competitor can’t restore the image of boxing, who can?”

• Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News, via Twitter, on the sewer lines at O.co Coliseum repeatedly backing up: “New tradition taking hold at A’s ballpark: The seventh-inning stench.”

Nifty hiding spot

The winner of a $400 million Powerball lottery apparently wants to remain anonymous.

First order of business: Buy Tampa Bay Rays season tickets!

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com