Just call him Stan the ATM.

A monthlong online auction of hundreds of Stan Musial items — jerseys, World Series rings, harmonicas and more — brought in a whopping $1.2 million.

The late Musial’s estimated career earnings from 22 big-league seasons with the Cardinals: $980,050.

NFL headlines

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• At SportsPickle.com: “Jerry Jones: Maybe I shouldn’t have hired the guy whose own son canned him.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Pittsburgh residents horrified to learn Ben Roethlisberger considers city home.”

Political football

Which will be higher at year’s end — the Jags and Bucs’ win percentage, or the Congressional approval rating?

End run

Richie Incognito’s best hope of ever playing in the NFL again is:

a) an arbitrator upholding his grievance

b) a team getting desperate enough to sign him

c) President Obama choosing him as this year’s turkey to pardon

Shocking development

Quick question for that Midwest couple who settled their NFL bet with a Taser: Who are you taking in this week’s Charger game?

No Orofino Maniacs?

America’s five most embarrassing high-school mascots, from Cracked.com:

5) Laurel Hill (Fla.) Hoboes

4) Centralia (Ill.) Orphans

3) East (N.Y., Ohio) Orientals

2) McLaughlin (N.D.) Midgets

1) Coachella Valley (Calif.) Arabs

Paging Merriam-Webster

Say this about the Miami Dolphins: If nothing else, they’ve put a whole new spin on “going Incognito.”

Quote marks

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, not surprised that Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe will play against the Broncos on Sunday: “Marijuana is legal in Colorado. The game will take place in Mile High Stadium.”

• Woodlawn (Ark.) High School coach Zach Branch, to the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, after his team rushed for 723 yards and 11 touchdowns in last week’s game: “A lot of people call it caveman football.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after the Jaguars and Buccaneers both blew their chances of going 0-16: “The 2008 Lions got together and unscrewed some bottles of Thunderbird.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the World Series of Poker concluding the November elections: “ I think we all know which involved the most bluffing.”

Shave situation

Brian Cashman says Brian Wilson won’t be coming to the Bronx because the free-agent reliever refuses to shave his trademark beard.

Guess he’s never heard of the Yankee clipper.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com