Now kids ... that was meant to be a sweet peck on the cheek

Give that coach a “T” — as in Tyson.

Timothy Forbes, 34, the assistant coach of a sixth-grade CYO basketball team, faces a bunch of assault and battery charges for allegedly biting off a piece of the opposing coach’s ear in a postgame dust-up, the Boston Herald reported.

At least he didn’t try to make it a one-and-one opportunity.

Big Sky 1, Smog 0

Unlimited Digital Access. $1 for 4 weeks.

Stanford defeated California for the Pac-12 women’s basketball title in front of just 1,845 — in Los Angeles, population 9.8 million.

Meanwhile, Belt defeated Twin Bridges for the Montana Class C state girls’ championship in front of 3,500 — in Great Falls, population 60,000.

A little less leg, please

Texans punter Brett Hartmann has been suspended for four games for violating the NFL’s policy on performance-enhancing drugs.

Hartmann reportedly plans to spend his offseason kicking the PED habit.

That’s a lot of $1 bills

Local businesses stepped up to the plate to fund the Los Angeles County’s struggling Lennox Little League, including $1,200 from the Jet Strip club.

Hey, it was either offer them cash or brass foul poles.

Tripping to Bountiful

“Next step: superstar defenders demanding larger bounties,” wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. “We’ll have bounty holdouts. ‘I’m not gonna cripple a guy for a lousy $2,000. Talk to my agent.’ “

Coach Cal or bust

“If you’re a true Yankee fan and a Syracuse Orange fan, you have a tough decision ahead of you,” upstate New York blogger Chad Picasner noted.

“The last six times Kentucky has won the national championship, the Yanks have won the World Series. Now what do we do?”

Parting shot

A Polish kite surfer who crashed while trying to cross the Red Sea spent 40 hours fending off sharks before the Saudi Arabian Coast Guard plucked him from the water.

Methinks Moses had the better blueprint for attacking this one.

Quote marks

• Jack Finarelli of, on the educational benefits of the NCAA bracket: “We could see Wichita State play Murray State in the Final Four and wonder when those states were admitted to the Union.”

• Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen, at AP, on getting ejected from a Grapefruit League game after arguing an ump’s foul-ball ruling: “Spring training for everyone.”

• Sergio Garcia, to reporters, after needing five golf balls to card a 12 on the par-4 third hole during Sunday’s Cadillac Championship: “Not today, guys. I don’t have the energy.”

Some kickoff

Pittsburgh Power owner Matt Shaner — in a pre-emptive move in the face of a scheduled Arena Football League players’ strike — fired all 24 members of his team just hours before the season-opening kickoff.

In other words, Arenaderci.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or