Len Berman of ThatsSports.com would love to see a 'pitch clock,' but it makes too much sense.

Forget “Hey, batter-batter.” Let’s razz the pitcher!

“The major-league rule is 12 seconds to pitch, but it’s never enforced,” wrote Len Berman of ThatsSports.com. “I’d love a ‘pitch clock’ in the stadium. Fans can count down to rattle the opposing pitcher.

“It’ll never happen. Too much fun, and it makes too much sense.”

He’s playing safety

President Barack Obama vowed to stay out of the NFL labor dispute, saying he’d rather devote his time to something less contentious and polarizing.

Such as Egypt or Libya.

Snides of March

Among the top 10 things you don’t want to hear during spring training, from CBS’s David Letterman:

• “Instead of Tommy John surgery, I had Elton John surgery.

• “I could watch you squat for hours.

• “Run for your lives! Sabathia’s eating again!”

Charging foul

Washington State basketball star Klay Thompson was cited for misdemeanor marijuana possession after Pullman police pulled his car over barely an hour after Thursday’s 85-77 win over USC.

Apparently cheese isn’t the only Cougar Gold on campus.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Bob Sanders shakes hands on one-year deal with San Diego, dislocates shoulder.”

• At BadJocks.com: “Lingerie Football League could replace the NFL on Sundays; no reports of rioting.”

• At Deadspin.com: “The Jimmer Young University Jimmers are ‘not just a one-man team,’ says Jimmer.”

Chopping at the bit

Original “Karate Kid” star Ralph Macchio will be among 11 celebrity contestants when ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” opens its 12th season on March 21.

Best advice his dance partner can give him: Don’t sweep the leg.

No gut, no glory

“A recent study found that the U.S. has a higher obesity rate than Canada,” noted NBC’s Jimmy Fallon. “Then again, maybe we just look fatter because our flag has horizontal stripes.”

Hey, slugger

A Florida high-school baseball player named Austin Glorius channeled his inner Alex Rodriguez and belted five home runs and collected 17 RBI to tie national prep records for one game.

If he wasn’t A-Glo before, he certainly is now.

Talko time

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Yankee Derek Jeter’s new 20,000 square-foot mansion: “It’s actually smaller than Yankee Stadium, although it has more bathrooms. And fewer Steinbrenners.”

• Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Trevor Bayne becoming the youngest Daytona 500 winner at age 20: “You realized how young afterward when he thanked his driver’s-ed instructor.”

Need a cut man?

Two drivers in a lawnmower race near Queenstown, New Zealand, came to blows after one rammed the other with his mower.

That’s what you get for cutting in front of somebody.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com