Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins could miss a game because of the birth of a child.
Washington QB Kirk Cousins, it appears, might get out of work on labor day.
Cousins’ wife Julie is due to deliver their first child during Week 2 of the upcoming NFL season.
In keeping with the theme, all he’s asking for are no false starts, or at least a two-minute warning.
• At TheKicker.com: “Mets assure fans Tebow isn’t publicity stunt as Mr. Met launches him from cannon.”
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• At Fark.com: “D-Wade out for C-Son with fractured L-Bow.”
Bottom of the fifth?
Turns out more than the bases were loaded at a high-school baseball game in Priceville, Ala. Police arrested an umpire, who was charged with public intoxication.
Or as seamheads prefer to spin it: high and outside.
Which NCAA tournament breakthrough did NOT happen this year?
a) Northwestern finally made the bracket after 78 years of trying.
b) For the first time this century, the West Region’s top two seeds are both from the West.
c) Trump University’s basketball team drew “the largest audience to witness an NCAA opener, period.”
The Warriors played in San Antonio last Saturday without Stephen Curry, Andre Iguodala, Draymond Green and Klay Thompson, and the Spurs were minus Kawhi Leonard, LaMarcus Aldridge and Tony Parker.
In other words, they scheduled an NBA contest and a Cactus League game broke out.
Clemson, California and bust
Cal State Bakersfield 73, California 66.
Oakland 74, Clemson 69.
So much for our chances of winning this year’s NIT office pool!
Talking the talk
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Royals’ Triple Play Dog featuring a hot dog wrapped in a burger patty wrapped in bacon: “It’d be healthier to throw this away and eat a baseball.”
• Dean Smith, the late great North Carolina basketball coach, with some timely words for present-day trash-talkers and dunk posers: “A lion never roars after a kill.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, with her favorite St. Patrick’s Day toast: “May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets.”
• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on reports that ex-slugger Alex Rodriguez is dating singer/actress Jennifer Lopez: “Does this make her J-Rod or him A-Lo?”
The Raiders reportedly want to coax running back Marshawn Lynch out of retirement.
For some odd reason, Lynch wasn’t available for comment.
Stop the presses! An ex-athlete holding himself accountable for his failures?
“I could say I didn’t get a proper chance, but that’s simply an excuse,” ex-NBA draft bust Darko Milicic told Serbian website B92.net. “It’s up to a young player to prove himself, work hard and wait for his chance. My approach was completely different.
“As a No. 2 pick coming from Europe, I thought I was sent by God, so I got into fights, got drunk before practices, spiting everyone, but I was spiting myself. So yeah, I was the problem.”
We now return you to our normal array of miscreants, ne’er-do-wells and knuckleheads.
Starring in basketball for Copper Hills (Utah) High School: Stockton Malone Shorts.
Just be glad the parents weren’t big fans of, say, Rakeem Christmas and DeMarre Carroll.
Stat of the Week
Warriors star Steph Curry passed his father Dell into 210th place on the all-time NBA scoring list this month with his 12,671st career point — and did it in barely half as many games (559) as his pops played (1,083).
Simple Deduction Dept.
“Just filled out my March Madness tax bracket,” cracked comedian Argus Hamilton, “and I’m picking the IRS to take it all.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on Northwestern basketball players needing to brush up on their trash-talking skills for their first NCAA tournament appearance: “ ‘Say there, athletic combatant, your kinetic skills are lugubrious at best’ will not cut it.”
• Bob Molinaro, in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot, on the list of original 160 D-I schools never to make the NCAA tournament now down to William & Mary, Army, The Citadel and St. Francis: “Gives a new twist to the phrase ‘Final Four.’ ”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on golf’s European Challenge Tour returning to Norway after a three-year absence: “Have you driven a fjord lately?”
• Ex-Laker James Worthy, to Spectrum SportsNet, on the team’s 139-100 loss to the Rockets: “It’s just sorry, pitiful. Any other job these guys had, they would be fired tomorrow.”