Here's hoping the Bears never sign Chad Mustard. Bricks Pizza in Chicago has come up with a Julius Peppers pie — loaded with pepperoni...

Here’s hoping the Bears never sign Chad Mustard.

Bricks Pizza in Chicago has come up with a Julius Peppers pie — loaded with pepperoni, banana peppers, roasted red peppers and jalapeno peppers — in honor of the Bears’ defensive end.

A-I, A-I, oh

As if losing 31-3 to the Packers wasn’t bad enough, Vikings defensive tackle Kevin Williams played the game in a jersey with “Willaims” stitched across the back.

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After Favre, Moss and Childress, even the sewing staff can’t avoid a bad spell.

This just in

“The Miami Heat held a players-only meeting,” noted comedy writer Jerry Perisho. “Vince Young was asked not to attend.”

Foxhole for 1, please

Bob Green, the Vietnam War vet who just retired after 24 seasons as Montana Tech football coach, wasn’t impressed with his players’ fitness when they arrived for fall camp one year.

“It’s a good thing you guys weren’t with me in ’69,” he told them. “I wouldn’t be here.”

Duh and dumber

Dumbest words uttered during a football broadcast: “It all depends on the spot.”

Must be a buy week

“A lot of great sales the day after Thanksgiving,” noted Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. “Auburn picked up a junior college quarterback at half-price.”

Bear Minimum Dept.

Let’s just say that Saturday wasn’t a great day to be a Golden Bears fan.

First-half score: Cal basketball team 5, Cal football team 3.

Paging Punch Imlach

What, hockey fights fixed?

“If they were,” Rangers Hall of Famer Rod Gilbert once told The New York Times, “I would have been in more of them.”

Robert vs. Robot

Reaction was widely mixed when StatSheet of Durham, N.C., announced it is developing software that would take a college-basketball box score plus other statistics and turn them into a readable news story.

Old-school sports writers call it an outrage.

Others say it’d be worth it just to watch Bob Knight dress down a laptop.

Quote marks

• TNT’s Charles Barkley, on the team with the NBA’s worst record: “The Clippers have a lot of talent and they have a bright future, but unfortunately this is the present.”

• Angry fan at the Great Alaska Shootout, as overhead by the Anchorage Daily News: “Hey, ref! They’re TSA-ing him!”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the most embarrassing part about a Broncos staffer illegally videotaping a 49ers walk-through: “You really needed to?”


Q: What do you get when you cross NASCAR with the Miami Heat?

A: The Daytona Barely .500

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or