Who knew cold feet could be a career-ending injury? Hasmawi Hassan, the star striker on his Malaysian state soccer team, has been terminated because he stood up his bride and 1,000...
Who knew cold feet could be a career-ending injury?
Hasmawi Hassan, the star striker on his Malaysian state soccer team, has been terminated because he stood up his bride and 1,000 guests at his wedding, embarrassing the team, the New Straits Times reported. Hasmawi, who notified her via text message just hours before the nuptials, has been in hiding since.
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“I was shocked when I found out our player had done such a terrible thing,” Chong Itt Chew, a Kedah Football Association vice president, told the newspaper. “It is heartbreaking, especially when I look at the wedding gifts.”
Here’s the rub
Outfielder Magglio Ordonez says he’s leaving the White Sox because the team didn’t make him feel appreciated enough. “Sure, they paid him $14 million last year,” noted syndicated columnist Tom FitzGerald, “but we’ve learned that they neglected to rub his shoulders after giving him his checks.”
Cold Cash Dept.
Patricia Martin has been awarded $12,500 a month in her divorce settlement from Florida Panthers coach Jacques Martin and another $14,500 once the NHL work stoppage ends, the Ottawa Citizen reported. Guess the judge wasn’t buying it when Jacques’ lawyer suggested: “Can’t we just lock her out for now?”
Somebody call FEMA
USC hiring Bob Knight as its basketball coach makes sense, in one sense.
“When you consider earthquakes, brushfires, floods and mudslides,” noted comedian Argus Hamilton, “the only thing Los Angeles doesn’t have is something that could erupt any minute.”
Talking the talk
Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post, on pundits pointing out that the Redskins would be 13-2 if they could just score 20 points a game: “Yes, and if my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a bicycle. The Redskins didn’t score 20 points a game because they couldn’t.”
Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News, on Eagles receiver Terrell Owens: “While inserting a screw in T.O.’s injured ankle, doctors should have tightened the one in his head.”
Michael Ventre of MSNBC.com, with good news for Mayflower Van Lines: “The Browns are so bad, the city of Cleveland is thinking about moving to Baltimore.”
The shadow knows
Q: What do you get when you cross Barry Bonds with Punxsutawney Phil? A: If the groundhog doesn’t see Barry’s ears, it means six more months of tape-measure home runs.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org