Sideline Chatter

Babe Ruth, meet Dr. Ruth.

“Your hand and the ball is a marriage that should never end,” ex-pitcher Pedro Martinez, explaining his craft, told “The pitcher and the ball should be married forever. Hands, fingers, the ball — they should be married forever.

“It’s like caressing your wife. It’s touching and getting that feel to know her, alone. It’s the same thing with a baseball.”

Save 75% on a Digital Subscription Today


• At “Prince Fielder to have season-ending surgery / Tigers seen whistling nonchalantly.”

• At “Girl dating star recruit thrilled to learn Auburn athletic department hiring.”

He’s an immediate hit

Mets pitcher Jacob deGrom singled in his first big-league at-bat, snapping his moundmates’ 0-for-64 hitless skid to open the season.

DeGrom was immediately awarded the ball, a bottle of champagne and well-wishes from Washington Generals coach Red Klotz.

He’s on task

What, Aldon Smith worry that the NFL might suspend him over his weapons and DUI troubles?

“I can’t control that,” the 49ers linebacker told “I’m focused on staying focused.”

Sports quiz

O.J. Simpson’s lawyers appealed the former football star’s 2008 armed-robbery conviction by:

a) filing a 19,993-word document with the Nevada Supreme Court

b) throwing a red challenge flag at the judge

Nobody home

Brewers manager Ron Roenicke went to the mound Thursday night in Atlanta, signaled for a relief pitcher — and there was nobody warming up the bullpen to bring in.

What, were the Braves sending Roy Hobbs up to bat or something?

It’s un-American

“The top six OPS hitters in the American League are two Venezuelans, three Dominicans and a Cuban,” pointed out Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. “Seventh is a Korean. Yep, America’s pastime.”

Talko time

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after a Raiders coach said draft pick Jason Tarver “can flip, move and run in space” if needed: “If linebacking doesn’t work out, Mack could be a hell of an astronaut.”

• RJ Currie of, on Rory McIlroy firing a 68 in his first round since canceling his wedding: “It’s nice he had a hot hand to go with his cold feet.”

• Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the NFL draft’s uncanny TV appeal: “You could hold the thing inside a bus station in New Mexico and people would watch.”

Dough-nots, anyone?

Krispy Kreme Japan, in honor of this summer’s soccerpalooza in Brazil, is selling special-edition World Cup confections. For some odd reason, the best-selling donuts are the ones shaped like zeroes.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or