Need to grab a little pine? The Kansas City Royals have declared May 5 "Pine Tar Day" — giving away 10,000 miniature pine-tar bats...

Need to grab a little pine?

The Kansas City Royals have declared May 5 “Pine Tar Day” — giving away 10,000 miniature pine-tar bats — in honor of George Brett’s celebrated run-in with umpire Tim McClelland at Yankee Stadium in 1983.

“Perhaps this will start a trend,” noted Len Berman of “How about ‘Corked Bat Day’ in Chicago in honor of Sammy Sosa? Or ‘Vaseline Night’ to honor pitcher Gaylord Perry and his doctored baseball?

“Then there’s ‘Syringe Night.’ Not limited to any specific team.”

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Hold that linotype

NFL Magazine is folding after producing just four issues.

Four-and-out? How fitting.

From the film room

The sequel to “Dumb and Dumber” stars:

a) Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.

b) Ozzie Guillen and Bobby Petrino.

Go, Speed Golfer, go

Golfer Jose Maria Olazabal got a $621 speeding ticket on his way out of town after the Masters when a Georgia sheriff’s deputy clocked him going 97 mph in a 65 zone on a rural highway.

Apparently the cop didn’t buy the “just testing out a new driver” excuse.

Steel curtains

Distraught Pittsburgh fans, mistaking the death of the 93-year-old CBS newsman for that of the Steelers wideout of the same name, unleashed such Twitter gems as “RIP Mike Wallace. Maybe the Steelers shouldn’t have cut Hines Ward?”

“Steelers fans are safe for a while,” assured Chris Chase of, “at least until a hot college prospect named Morley Safer catches the eye of scouts.”

Bad batting streak

Mark Harvey, 26, got 13 hours in jail and a lifetime ban from Camden Yards after streaking in a Batman costume during the Orioles’ season opener.

“I don’t recommend no one doing it,” Harvey told Baltimore’s WJZ-TV. “Trust me, they tackle you hard.”

Quote marks

• Celtics Hall of Famer Larry Bird, to The New York Times, on his mother being a big fan of Pistons Bill Laimbeer, Isiah Thomas and Kelly Tripucka — all products of Indiana colleges — back in the day: “It wasn’t pretty at my house around playoff time. She’d say, ‘Why do you do that to those guys?’ “

• Yankees broadcaster Ken Singleton, after Freddy Garcia threw five wild pitches in 4-2/3 innings: “(Catcher) Russell Martin is getting to personally know the fans behind home plate.”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on the Mets’ 4-0 start: “I don’t want to say it’s surprising, but today the Mets tested themselves for steroids.”

• NBC’s Jay Leno, on opening day at Dodger Stadium: “It was a little different this year. Instead of throwing out the first pitch, they threw out the last owner.”

Sheer insanity

The Lingerie Football League says it will mothball its 2012 season and instead focus on foreign expansion and making it a warm-weather game.

Pink slips for everybody!

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or