Here’s hoping Marshawn Lynch has an airtight alibi.
Three large pieces of artwork — oversized renderings of Skittles candies — have gone missing from the children’s play area at Assiniboine Park in Winnipeg.
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• At SportsPickle.com: “Report: Desperate Cavs willing to include LeBron James in a deal for Kevin Love.”
• At TheOnion.com: “LeBron James guarantees Cleveland will win numerous regular-season games.”
Willi and Irene Isaak celebrated their country’s World Cup title by setting off skyrockets in their backyard in Espelkamp, Germany, igniting a roof fire that charred their home to the tune of $400,000.
Well, that’s a soccer first — an own-coal.
Among the surefire signs you’re a professional golfer, from DJ Gallo of SportsPickle.com:
• “Your only shots that roll on the ground the whole way are putts.
• “Your Buick is a source of income, not personal shame.
• “None of your playing partners loudly belch in your backswing.”
“What if every NHL player went home like LeBron?” wondered Fark.com. “No American team would win the cup ever again.”
History prepeats itself
July 11, in case you missed it, marked the 210th anniversary of vice president Aaron Burr killing ex-Treasury secretary Alexander Hamilton in a duel in Weehawken, New Jersey.
“Burr got off scot-free,” noted CBS’s David Letterman. “Later he was convicted for stealing sports memorabilia.”
If the MLB season ended at the All-Star break, half of the 10-team playoff field would include five of the six West Coast clubs — the Mariners, Athletics, Giants, Dodgers and Angels.
• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, on economists saying LeBron James’ return to the Cleveland Cavaliers will inject $500 million a year into the local economy: “More importantly for James, it will inject $21 million a year into his economy.”
• Blogger TC Chong, on the Super Bowl-champion Seahawks bringing their “12th Man” tour to Vancouver, B.C.: “To their dismay, most of the locals showed up wearing No. 11 jerseys due to the exchange rate.”
• CBS’s Craig Ferguson, on the world’s oldest man, 126-year-old Brazilian Jose Aguinelo dos Santos: “The highlight of his life was playing goalie for Brazil in this year’s World Cup.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Alouettes receiver Chad Johnson claimed he’s gotten 15 parking tickets in Montreal because he can’t read French: “Here’s a tip: A French fire hydrant looks just like an English one.”
Paging Judge Smails
Not that we’ve watched “Caddyshack” a few too many times or anything, but what is Danny Noonan doing leading the British Open?
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org