Even the world’s oldest masters swimmer can’t escape the injury ravages of time.

“Swimmer’s shoulder,” Winnipeg’s 104-year-old Jaring Timmerman revealed to CBC News. “I got that when I was about 100.”


• At SportsPickle.com: “Michael Sam’s draft stock skyrockets over reports some NFL players will be uncomfortable blocking a gay man.”

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• At TheOnion.com: “Super Bowl confetti made entirely from shredded concussion studies.”

Patriot games

Mystery solved on that missing Olympic ring in Sochi’s opening ceremony.

Vladimir Putin is claiming Robert Kraft took it.

No vroom to talk

When Richard Petty said this NAS-CAR driver could win a race “if everybody else stayed home,” he was referring to:

a) Danica Patrick’s zero victories in 46 career starts

b) son Kyle Petty’s zero wins in his final 408 career starts

His season is shot

Alex Rodriguez is suddenly taking his suspension for the entire 2014 season with remarkable aplomb.

In fact, you could say it doesn’t even move his needle.

Mouths that roared

The highest ratings for a televised speech last month were generated by:

a) President Obama

b) Richard Sherman

c) Marshawn Lynch

Lightning strikes twice

Think that Bears fan convicted of using a stun gun on his Packers-loving wife to settle a bet might be a Cubs fanatic as well?

Let’s Tase two!

Five-ring riddle

From Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel:

“Question: What do you get when you cross a NASCAR race with the Winter Olympics?

“Answer: Billybobsledding!”

Talking the talk

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on this weekend’s NBA slam-dunk contest: “The U.S. is the only country where people call Winter Olympic sports dumb, then gather round a TV to watch a guy do a 360-degree spin before dunking over a Cadillac.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on the Patriots’ “Spygate” videographer putting his Super Bowl ring up for auction: “It’s still in pristine condition and can pick up conversations at half a mile.”

• ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, on the Sochi elevator with two up buttons: “If you want to go down, you have to stand on your head.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on ex-NFLer Jared Lorenzen still playing QB in indoor football — at 320 pounds: “He is not having a great season, but does lead the league in snacks.”

Hikes of Hazzard

The Detroit Lions have a new quarterbacks coach: Jim Bob Cooter.

If he’d landed the Redskins’ offensive-line gig, would that make him Boss Hogg?

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com