Again, who said it was a good idea for athletes to share their unfiltered thoughts via Twitter?
“The Spurs trusted their cheeseburger,” tweeted the Lakers’ Metta World Peace, explaining San Antonio’s 92-88 win in Game 1. “The Heat cheeseburger was not cooked and the lettuce never showed up.”
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• At TheOnion.com: “John Tortorella pacing around Penn Station screaming at total strangers to clear puck into neutral zone.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Tim Duncan to stick to quirky pregame ritual of stretching and doing layups.”
He’s throwing smoke
Indians closer Chris Perez has been charged with misdemeanor possession of marijuana.
No wonder he did his best pitching when the sacks were full.
Start warming up
Some surefire signs it might be time to start exercising, from comedy writer Tim Hunter:
• “The size of your shirt has more X’s than Larry King.
• “You need a pilot walker in front of you to check for door openings.
• “The floor creaked, and you’re walking on cement.”
Guys and dolls
Lori Birkeneder of Plantation, Fla., has collected more than 3,000 Barbie dolls, moving her up to second on the all-time list behind Derek Jeter.
Rookie of the Year
“If LeBron (James) was playing in the late ’80s or early ’90s,” ex-NBAer Dennis Rodman told NBCsports.com, “he’d be just an average player.”
Well, duh: LeBron would’ve only been about 5 years old back then.
Paging Peter Graves
Suggested name for the Spurs’ highlight film if they win this year’s NBA title: “Mission Possible 5.”
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on reports Michael Phelps is considering a comeback at the 2016 Olympics because he feels he has something left to prove: ”What, is he going to race dolphins this time?”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Victoria Azarenka lost to Maria Sharapova in the French Open semifinals: “On the bright side, she out-grunted Sharapova 103 decibels to 101.”
• Vancouver (B.C.) comic Torben Rolfsen, on the biggest mystery of Alex Rodriguez’s alleged PED use: “Why did his supply run out at the end of every September?”
• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after two Cambridge City soccer fans were given the team’s surplus sideline dugout as a wedding present: “Strange, yes, but it beats a fifth toaster.”
The wording inscribed on Ravens coach John Harbaugh’s new Super Bowl ring reads:
a) world champions.
b) John 34, Jim 31.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org