What are the Yankees getting from their third baseman, who is making a reported major-league high $29 million this year: A-robbed.
While the only thing Alex Rodriguez has produced for the Yankees this year are headaches, here is a lineup that $29 million could buy this season, with nearly $18.5 million left over.
C Wilin Rosario, $491,000
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1B Paul Goldschmidt, $516,667
2B Jason Kipnis, $509,400
SS Brandon Crawford, $530,000
3B Manny Machado $495,000
OF Chris Davis, $3.3 million
OF Mike Trout, $510,000
OF Daniel Nava, $505,500
DH Mark Trumbo, $540,000
SP Matt Harvey, $498,750
SP Jeff Locke, $497,5000
SP Patrick Corbin, $494,000
SP Chris Tillman, $508,500
SP Lance Lynn, $513,000
Closer Craig Kimbrel, $655,000
New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton caddied for PGA Tour player Ryan Palmer last weekend at the Greenbrier Classic.
It worked out fine until Payton kept suggesting trap plays.
A rockfish estimated to be 200 years old was recently caught off the coast of Sitka, Alaska, meaning when it was born:
a) James Madison was beginning his second term as U.S. president
b) Jamie Moyer was beginning his major-league career.
When you come to a fork …
Mohamed ElBaradei, the Nobel Prize-winning diplomat from Egypt, quoted a beloved former Yankee regarding the ouster of Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi. “We just lost 2½ years. As Yogi Berra said, ‘It is déjà vu all over again,’ but hopefully this time we will get it right.”
The guess to Morsi’s response: “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”
What did Charles Barkley call Joey Chestnut’s record of 69 hot dogs eaten in 10 minutes?
A tale of two franchises
In case you were wondering, the last time the Mariners swept a series, the Seahawks had yet to name Russell Wilson their starting quarterback.
• “Apparently, a lot of people find it fascinating.” — My 5-year-old daughter Elizabeth, pointing to the large crowd on TV watching Chestnut consume hot dogs and refuting Mom’s claim that the competition was ridiculous.
• Mets first baseman Ike Davis, on his swing after modifying it during a stint in the minor leagues: “You’re going to have to find out tonight. See if you guys can pick it apart. … Obviously it’s not like I’m standing on my head.”
It’s no joke
If you didn’t think this was funny, have no fear: The Times’ Dwight Perry, with his endless supply of jokes, returns Monday.
Scott Hanson: email@example.com