Bet this one wasn't in the Mitchell Report. Now even actor Charlie Sheen is claiming he used steroids, back in 1989, to beef himself up...

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Bet this one wasn’t in the Mitchell Report.

Now even actor Charlie Sheen is claiming he used steroids, back in 1989, to beef himself up for his pitching role as Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn in “Major League.”

“Baseball has reached a new low,” wrote Eric Kolenich of the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch. “Even its fictional heroes are tainted.”

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A man walked into a bank in Milford, Mass., and paid off his mortgage with 62,000 pennies.

“So,” asked the perceptive teller, “I take it you play for the Padres?”

Collaring the market

Michael Vick is about to market his own line of clothing.

Here’s guessing the offerings won’t include any pants for postal carriers.

Winning cards

Hear about that box of pristine, 100-year-old baseball cards discovered in an Ohio attic that could be worth millions of dollars?

Appraisers can’t decide which rare find is more valuable — the mint-condition Honus Wagner, or the Jamie Moyer rookie card.

NBA update

Headline at “Dwight Howard demands to be traded to Bucks, Sixers, Suns, Kings, Magic, Cavs, Spurs, Rockets, Lakers in 9-team trade.”

Turf city

Greg Reid, Florida State’s star punt returner, has been charged with possession of marijuana.

In other words, his game pants and his rap sheet are both sporting grass stains.

The write stuff

• Las Vegas 51s manager Marty Brown, to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, on being voted the Midwest League’s top infield arm in 1985 despite 40 errors at third base: “I think I got all my votes from the people in the stands behind first base.”

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain: “Americans get the same thrill running just ahead of the bankers at the first of every month.”

• Steve Rushin of, via Twitter, with the ultimate sports dilemma: “Yankees vs. Red Sox tonight, but you only have one 5-hour energy drink. Do you watch first six innings or last six?”

Just say neigh

The NFL filed court papers alleging that Broncos linebacker D.J. Williams tried to manipulate a drug test, possibly with nonhuman urine.

So, in addition to his six-game NFL ban, he’s been declared ineligible for next year’s Kentucky Derby.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or

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