An interstate near Atlanta had to be shut down after spilled foam tomahawks, en route to the Braves’ new stadium, blocked the way.
Talk about a chopping block.
Two lanes of Interstate 75 near Atlanta’s new ballpark had to be closed to traffic for nearly an hour after a truck spilled several boxes of the Braves’ souvenir foam tomahawks onto the highway.
Braves fans, predictably, were up in arms.
• At SportsPickle.com: “Middle East promises sustained peace after U.S. threatens to send Skip Bayless.”
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• At TheKicker.com: “LeBron demands front office acquire more scapegoats.”
Police in Spokane arrested Treshon Broughton after the ex-Washington State cornerback allegedly tried to buy a cigarette lighter with fake currency.
An alert store clerk said Mike Leach’s face on a $20 bill was a dead giveaway.
Next up: flying pigs?
The only NFL team that hasn’t had a player arrested in the past three years? The Oakland Raiders.
Somewhere, the Matuszak-Stabler era Raiders are weeping.
Unfriendly Skies Dept.
Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the cabin wall when United Airlines discovers that its flight full of MMA fighters is overbooked?
Just wondering: Why isn’t there a moment of silence at NHL playoff games in honor on Don Rickles?
Lots of ice, please
A playoff hockey game in Norway went eight overtimes.
“Amateurs,” said the Yankees and Red Sox in unison.
Defensive tackle Terrance “Pot Roast” Knighton, 30, is retiring from the NFL to try his hand at coaching.
In other words, the Pot Roast is cooked.
Talking the talk
• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after Cubs players were awarded their first World Series rings in 108 years last week: “The team has been waiting for a ring longer than Oprah.”
• Times reader Larry Maloney, on Washington women’s basketball star Kelsey Plum going 9 for 9 in winning major postseason awards: “What does she think she’s doing, shooting free throws?”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after ex-Lions receiver Titus Young was sentenced to four years for assault: “The worst part? They’re flying him to prison on United Airlines.”
• Jerry Jones Cowboys meme making the internet rounds: “I saved 15 percent or more on health insurance, just by switching from Romo.”
Maim that tune
If pro golfers ever make like baseball players and approach the first tee accompanied by walk-up music, here’s guessing that “Stairway to Heaven” won’t be Dustin Johnson’s song.
Excuse of the Week
The lawyer for Kirk Merritt is blaming the Texas A&M receiver’s 2016 arrest for allegedly exposing himself to two female tutors on “a bad case of jock itch.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “United announces plans to add trained NHL enforcers to all domestic flights.”
• At TheKicker.com: “Romo torches Nets for 53 points in NBA debut.”
Tweet of the Week
Brogan Probert, son of late Red Wings enforcer Bob, on his mother’s unusual tribute in Detroit: “Mom spreading dad’s ashes in the penalty box at The Joe … Can’t think of a better place for him. So much love.”
Tiger Woods won’t return to the PGA Tour until:
a) his balky back stops acting up.
b) he can get in as many practice rounds as President Trump.
Pass the scalpel
A report says Americans spent $16 billion on cosmetic surgery last year.
Which doesn’t even include the Jaguars’ recent $168 million in free-agent signings.
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after a dog in Calgary set a world record by popping 100 balloons in just over 36 seconds: “I’ve grown so cynical, my first reaction was, ‘Are the PED test results back?’ ”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Packers star Aaron Rodgers’ breakup with actress Olivia Munn just months after their rumored engagement: “Or as quarterbacks call it, a fail marry.”
• Reader Mike H., to The Plain Dealer, on reasons for NFL optimism in Cleveland: “Browns are forecast to win AT LEAST 5 coin tosses this season!”
• Comic Torben Rolfsen, after Jerry West said it’s time somebody else should be depicted on the NBA’s iconic logo: “LaVar Ball agreed, and said it should be him.”
• Kevin McGran of the Toronto Star, on playoff beards posing a problem for the Maple Leafs’ young roster: “The Leafs could play till July and I doubt there’d be more than peach fuzz.”
A Marlins-Braves game was delayed 30 minutes when a bank of lights went out.
Conspiracy theorists suspect Tim Tebow hit it with a tape-measure drive while taking BP with his new bat, Wonder Boy.