So, about that new stadium …
Hazmat crews recently scoured the clubhouse level of the Oakland Coliseum, The San Francisco Chronicle reported, after it was damaged by raw sewage during a June 16 game against the Mariners.
The good news: The crews gave the clubhouse a clean bill of health. The bad news: They ordered Josh Reddick’s beard to be shaved and destroyed immediately.
If you can’t beat ‘em …
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No American men made it past the second round of Wimbledon this year, the first time that’s happened in more than 100 years.
The United States Tennis Association had no comment on the matter, as it was busy rolling out its new international marketing promotion: “Fifty percent off U.S. citizenship if your last name ends in okovic!”
• Producer Zach Lee (@rightfieldsucks), at the NBA draft: “There might be four people left at Barclays for the second round. And three of them are waiting for their mom to pick them up.”
• Diamondbacks pitcher Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32), on the 29 arrests of NFL players since the Super Bowl: “We’re getting pretty close to the NFL’s ‘good guy’ award going to whoever only had a misdemeanor in the last year.”
• Golden State Warriors forward Harrison Barnes (@HBarnes), after his team acquired the rights to draft pick Nemanja Nedovic on Thursday: “Can’t pronounce his name but that pick we just got is nice lol”
• At TheOnion.com: “Ryan Tannehill Confident Dolphins Can Win A Wide-Ranging Number of Games Next Season”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Wimbledon Grows Rough Extra Long”
• At Fark.com: “A-Rod: Now that I think about it, perhaps not playing and still getting paid is better than playing”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the Blackhawks’ plans to show off the Stanley Cup. “They would take the Cup to a Chicago Cubs game, but then they would have to explain what a championship is.”
• Grantland.com’s Shane Ryan, on Italy’s penalty-kick loss to Spain in the Confederations Cup semifinals: “Although there were no goals in regulation, the Italians kept things interesting as several players elevated the art of diving to such an advanced level that they actually faked their own deaths and turned up in Argentina.”
The New England Patriots announced they would allow fans to exchange Aaron Hernandez jerseys free of charge after the tight end was arrested and charged with first-degree murder.
Officials were mostly pleased with the response, except for a man named “Baron Schmernandez” who kept calling to ask if he could exchange a dozen grass-stained No. 81 jerseys for a plane ticket to South America.
Joel Petterson: email@example.com