Last year's final regular-season rankings in parentheses Team 1 Giants (6) Freshly shorn Lincecum is still "The Franchise" — except...

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Last year’s final regular-season rankings in parentheses

1 Giants (6) Freshly shorn Lincecum is still “The Franchise” — except franchise is now Supercuts
2 Reds (3) Can’t decide whether Chapman should start or relieve, so making him a catcher
3 Nationals (1) Will Harper win MVP? Legitimate question, bro
4 Rangers (11) When Yu Darvish lost perfecto with 2 outs in 9th, Brian Holman felt his pain
5 Angels (12) When it came to MVP, Trout lost the battle but won the WAR
6 Braves (7) Canceled promotions: Infield Fly Rule Seminar Night
7 Tigers (8) Torii Hunter’s walk-up music: “ii of the Tiger”
8 Rays (9) They feel kinship with other financially prudent teams in division, like Yankees
9 Orioles (5) I’m already preparing arguments for Chris Davis vs. Adam Jones MVP debate
10 A’s (4) Brian Wilson to Josh Reddick: “Kid, you’re going overboard with that beard”
11 Cardinals (10) Where’s Ray Lankford when you really need him?
12 Dodgers (13) A.J. Ellis already has three two-baggers, or as Magic calls it, a triple-double
13 Blue Jays (21) I’m calling it: Brandon Morrow’s breakout season
14 Diamondbacks (17) Big kudos to Brandon McCarthy for making first start since skull fracture
15 Red Sox (27) Jackie Bradley a good fantasy choice, unlike Manti Te’o’s girlfriend
16 Mariners (19) M’s staffers sneak into Safeco during road trip to watch “NCIS” on big screen
17 Royals (23) Trying to build a rotation to make Mark Gubicza proud
18 White Sox (14) DeWayne Wise acquired to be late perfect-game defensive replacement
19 Indians (24) To Francona’s relief, young Indians prefer Skittles & Kool-Aid to chicken & beer
20 Brewers (15) Need Ryan Braun to stay injury- and scandal-free
21 Phillies (16) “The Big Four” now refers to hoped-for first number in Roy Halladay’s ERA
22 Pirates (22) 21 years since last winning season, but Barry Bonds is not walking in that door
23 Rockies (28) Six years since W. Series, but Todd Helton’s not walking in door. Wait, yes he is.
24 Twins (25) Turns out last-place finishes just part of elaborate Eddie Guardado practical joke
25 Mets (20) Collin off to .167 start, proving even Cowgills get the blues
26 Yankees (2) Inspired by Cano’s hiring of Jay-Z, A-Rod asks Flavor Flav to be his agent
27 Cubs (29) Pitching motto: “Wood & Samardzija, and we dare you to rhyme with Samardzija”
28 Padres (18) If moving in fences doesn’t boost offense, plan to move back pitching mound
29 Marlins (26) Redmond once took nude BP to cure slump. You don’t want to see team meetings.
30 Astros (30) They hope to pick up better contact hitters, like Adam Dunn & Mark Reynolds
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