Final rankings; Last week's rankings in parentheses Team 1 Reds (3) Overwrought Reds faithful acknowledge: "It's getting a little Dusty...

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Final rankings; Last week’s rankings in parentheses

1 Reds (3) Overwrought Reds faithful acknowledge: “It’s getting a little Dusty in here”
2 Rangers (4) Four words to fear, Dempster fans: Regression to the mean
3 Yankees (2) After season, Joba can continue training for 2016 Olympic men’s trampoline team
4 Nationals (1) Why is Bryce struggling? That’s a legitimate question, bro
5 Braves (7) Giddy Braves are three Sheets to the win
6 White Sox (10) Sox re-sign Dewayne Wise to use as defensive replacement in perfect games
7 Angels (8) So successful with “Tr” names Trout and Trumbo, they sign Bubba Trammell
8 Pirates (5) For rusty Pirates, acquiring Gaby Sanchez qualifies as blockbuster
9 A’s (9) Beane used to implore his players to walk; now he wants them to walk off
10 Cardinals (12) At the trade deadline, Cards had a dead tradeline
11 Giants (6) Mellow Barry Zito doesn’t have a WAR; he has a PEACE
12 Dodgers (14) Jeff Kent only major-league player to both hit for, and wreck, the cycle
13 Tigers (11) Can only hope Anibal Sanchez proves as big a boost as Doug Fister last year
14 Rays (15) Forget player-manager; Joe Maddon named baseball’s first statistician-manager
15 Diamondbacks (19) Instant impact: Chris Johnson 6 for 11 with 2 HR, 7 RBI in first 3 games after trade
16 Orioles (13) Every July 31, Duquette toasts Heathcliff Slocumb
17 Red Sox (16) Every morning, Valentine consults his “Controversy A Day” desk calendar
18 Blue Jays (18) Lost in agate type, but not in my heart: Jays purchase C Tuffy Gosewisch from Phils
19 Mets (20) Where’s Jay Payton when you really need him?
20 Indians (17) Grady Sizemore turns 30; his knees turn 62
21 Mariners (23) If M’s go up for sale, I’m hearing it will only be $700 million with a Groupon
22 Marlins (22) Unclear on the concept: Marlins trade for Carlos Lee, then clean house
23 Phillies (21) Plummeting Phillies have gone from pennant wavers to ace waivers
24 Brewers (27) Brewers conveniently go in tank just as Packers open training camp
25 Twins (28) Terry Ryan regrets he no longer has Pierzynski to foist upon Giants
26 Padres (24) When Phil Mickelson becomes part-owner, Padres’ short game should improve
27 Cubs (26) has named Alfonso Soriano its 2012 Man of the Year
28 Royals (25) Revered by Seattle fans for facilitating illusion of M’s surge into fringe contention
29 Rockies (29) Spoiler alert: Rockies aren’t winning NL West title this year
30 Astros (30) Banned badminton teams say they were merely following Astros’ strategy
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