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Last week’s rankings in parentheses
Rank Team Comment
1. Cardinals (1) Not bad for a team that lost its ace, its closer, and its All-Star shortstop
2. Reds (7) Dusty’s old school: has instructed players to leave gloves on field for other team
3. Pirates (6) Pirates third-best team in division, which this year means third-best team in majors
4. Tigers (12) Tigers modeled after 1990s Braves, right down to the fatally flawed bullpen
5. Red Sox (3) Mike Carp’s .660 slugging % second in majors to Chris Davis (minimum 100 ABs)
6. A’s (2) To appease Art Howe, shirtless Matthew McConaughey plays him in Moneyball sequel
7. Orioles (10) To think, Justin Smoak was once rated a better first-base prospect than Chris Davis
8. Rangers (5) Planned to offer big bonus to 42nd-round pick Joey Pankake, but now they’re waffling
9. Braves (4) The Sultan of Sub: Gattis has four homers in eight ABs as pinch-hitter
10. D’backs (8) I’m hearing Dodgers messed with their bullpen cellphone. Yeah, it was Droid rage
11. Yankees (9) They always said Ichiro could hit .300 in his sleep. But fully awake, he’s at .260
12. Rays (11) Hipster Joe Maddon going to manage next game in a utili-kilt
13. Giants (14) Pablo Sandoval goes on DL, putting all “Panda-monium “ headlines on hold
14. Royals (23) Where’s Amos Otis when you really need him?
15. Indians (16) Chris Perez busted for pot delivery to his dog. Turns out the pooch also blew 2 saves
16. Nationals (17) For Bull Durham 25th anniversary, Congress introduces amendment outlawing DH
17. Rockies (13) Tulo was having a huge RBI year, until he broke his RIB
18. Phillies (15) Cliff Lee lined up for fourth trade in four years, with free-agent signing mixed in
19. Padres (19) Pretty sure Cabrera was part of famous DP combo, Tinker to Everth to Chance
20. Blue Jays (22) With Henry Blanco gone to Seattle, Jays have gaping mentorship void
21. Twins (18) Twins smart to get Carlos Gomez in Santana trade, not smart enough to keep him
22. Mariners (24) Draftee Michaelangelo Guzman, LHP, is a real artist who could lead M’s renaissance
23. White Sox (20) White Sox not nearly as fun without Ozzie Guillen’s son tweeting about them
24. Angels (25) Angels choice of SoCal fans who prefer their bad baseball teams to be genteel
25. Dodgers (21) Dodgers sign Floyd Mayweather Jr., but only for games against D’Backs and Padres
26. Cubs (27) Jeff Samardzija has decided to name his splitter. He’s calling it Tiago
27. Brewers (28) For some reason, the Brewers just can’t quit Yuniesky Betancourt (and his .242 OBP)
28. Mets (26) Inspired by Jason Kidd hire, Mets set to name Darryl Strawberry manager
29. Astros (29) Don’t look like worst team in MLB history. In other words, a successful season
30. Marlins (30) Dietrich right on schedule to be traded in 2 years just when fans get attached to him
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