The catcher for the Big Red Machine is still dealing with injuries from his playing days.

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Johnny Bench? Just call him The Big Red Cross Machine.

“I’ve had 30 chips taken out of my shoulder … I had seven to 10 concussions,” the Hall of Fame Reds catcher, 69, told the St. Paul Pioneer Press: “I got beaned three times, saw stars and went to first base. I had seven (protective) cups broken, a detached bicep and … I’m going to get one more surgery on my right elbow …

“The warranty ran out of my parts. What are you going to do?”

Headlines

• At DailySnark.com: “Falcons already in Super Bowl form, blow double-digit lead in 4th quarter of first preseason game.”

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• At TheKicker.com: “Mayweather, McGregor seen handing out fight fliers on Vegas strip.”

Making a splash

Michael Phelps was spotted at the PGA Championship last week in Jordan Spieth’s gallery.

Just one problem: He wouldn’t stop diving into the water hazards.

Names in the game

Iceland’s Thorir Thorbjarnarson is Nebraska’s last basketball commit.

Pundits predict he’ll be a Scrabble All-American.

Good question

Which hot streak is the most amazing?

a) Joe DiMaggio, going 56 straight games with a hit

b) Seattle, 56 days in a row without rain

Hold that waistline

“PSY466: Fat Studies,” a behavioral-sciences course at Oregon State, argues that “weightism” is a social-justice issue.

Especially when you’re about to face Alabama’s offensive line.

2 bits, 4 bits, 6 bits …

The Mariners purchased right-hander Ernesto Frieri from the Rangers on Tuesday — for $1.

No truth the rumor Frieri now answers to the nickname of Buck.

Talking the talk

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on the nuclear rhetoric between the U.S. and North Korean leaders: “We’ve reached the point in human history where the only person who can save the world is Dennis Rodman.”

• Blogger TC Chong, after portly Pablo Sandoval got recalled to the majors last week: “The Giants immediately installed speed bumps in the buffet line.”

Back at the plate

Japan’s Yomiuri Giants sell chopsticks made from broken bats.

That’s what you call hitting for the recycle.

Going, going, gone

The Chargers moved to Los Angeles.

Usain lost in his final 100-meter race.

In other words, the Bolts have left the building.

For the birds

According to a Sports Illustrated story, Tampa’s Tropicana Field’s concessions stands have had the most food-handling violations — 105 — among MLB ballparks this season.

Apparently no one there likes the cleanup spot.

For the birds

The Atlee softball team from Mechanicsville (Va.) team got booted from the Junior League World Series over a Snapchat photo that showed six players giving the finger.

Next year’s Atlee battle cry: Win one for the flippers!

Spur of the Moment Dept.

Dunkin’ Donuts announced it will experiment with a name change to just “Dunkin’.”

And when it merges with Horton’s — “Tim Dunkin’s”?

In the lineup

Hear about the latest set of Dallas Cowboys trading cards?

They’re the first to feature both front and side views.

Franchise tag

The sport of competitive tag — under the umbrella of World Chase Tag — is taking off in England.

Who’s the official league mascot, Cousin Itt?

More headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Jay Cutler on signing with Dolphins: ‘I couldn’t pass up one last shot at 8-8.’ ”

• At TheKicker.com: “Impressive: Steph Curry already has best-selling jersey in golf.”

Injury of the Week

Braves rookie shortstop Johan Camargo jogged onto the field to take his position before Tuesday night’s game against the Phillies — and hyperextended his right knee crossing the first-base line.

Patriots 2, Jets 0

The Patriots became the first NFL team to purchase their own plane — make that two planes — to travel to games.

Now for the hard part: Keeping evil-doers from deflating the tires.

Quote marks

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after coach Adam Gase said QB Jay Cutler looked the same in his Dolphins tryout as he did the last time Gase saw him on a field: “The good news for Cutler is that he decided to sign him anyway.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on NBC’s new 24/7 Olympics Channel: “This isn’t to be confused with the 24/7 LaVar Ball Channel that ESPN is introducing.”

• Times sportswriter Bob Condotta, via Twitter, after three fights broke out during a two-hour Rams-Chargers scrimmage: “Hopefully ‘I Love L.A.’ was playing in the background.”

• B.C. blogger Gregg Drinnan, on his Aug. 7 birthday triumvirate with Sidney Crosby and Mike Trout: “Two of those men get regular mentions on ESPN, Sportsnet and TSN. The other watches TV.”

• Shaquille O’Neal, to USA Today, on missing more than 6,000 foul shots in his NBA career: “It was The Man Way Upstairs’ way of keeping me humble.”

• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, after out-of-work QB Johnny Manziel said he’d like to coach when his playing prospects end: “Does someone want to tell him we’re there?”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after the CFL’s Calgary Stampeders walloped the Hamilton Tiger-Cats 60-1: “Turns out there are at least 59 more ways than one to skin a Cat.”

Them’s fightin’ words

NFL Memes, via Facebook, on what sparked last week’s scrimmage melees in L.A.:

Rams: “You lost to Cleveland.”

Chargers: “You got swept by the 49ers.”