There’s something fishy going on with the Mariners.

After all, they could have hooked a (Mike) Trout and let a (Mike) Carp get away.

So maybe it’s no coincidence that Kevin Bass hit .391 in his career against the Mariners or that Tim Salmon made a habit of victimizing them, hitting 25 homers against Seattle.

Big-time boosters

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The University of Oregon is proposing to limit seat cushions to 17 inches after getting some complaints about extra-wide cushions taking up too much space.

Which proves the point that some Ducks fans are big … nah, can’t do it. That’s just too easy.

What? I don’t see anything

Four central Pennsylvania residents said they used only a rope and a flashlight during a wild chase to rescue a young bear whose head had been stuck in a plastic jar for at least 11 days, according to The Associated Press.

Eleven days?

That’s nothing, baseball critics claim. They say MLB commissioner Bud Selig had his head buried for years.

It’s only money

A Boston woman paid $560,000 last week for two off-street parking spaces in the city’s Back Bay neighborhood, according to the AP, making it Boston’s biggest expenditure for little in return since the Red Sox signed Carl Crawford, John Lackey and Josh Beckett for nearly $300 million.

Talko Time

• Denver Nuggets forward Andre Iguodala, tweeting after the Heat’s title: “If you still hate LeBron, you really need a life coach. And I’ll sponsor you.”

• ESPN’s Woody Paige, after Texas A&M QB Johnny Manziel tweeted, “I can’t wait to leave College Station”: “Neither can anybody who’s ever been there.”

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel on the Patriots’ embattled tight end: “If I’m Aaron Hernandez, my one phone call goes to Tim Tebow.”

Power shortage

The Mariners’ Jesus Montero has denied involvement with the former anti-aging clinic in Miami that has been linked to performance-enhancing drugs.

With a .208 batting average and an OPS of .590, he’s either telling the truth, or he deserves a refund.

Scott Hanson: 206-464-2943