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Last week’s rankings in parentheses
Rank Team Comment
1. Red Sox (2) Steven Wright intends to live forever. So far, so good. Wait, wrong Steven Wright
2. Cardinals (4) Cardinals have had a seamless transition of impactful Carpenters
3. Pirates (1) McCutchen and Marte, and start the part-ay
4. A’s (3) A’s get just one All-Star, and boy, is Brad Pitt steamed
5. Rays (11) Rays didn’t raze team and now they may raise a banner
6. Tigers (9) If Leyland had walk-up music, it would be “Smoking in the Boys Room”
7. Orioles (8) Label of great plays at third shifting from “Brooksian” to “Machadoistic”
8. Braves (5) Freeman benefits from MLB’s hallowed “One man, 34,822 votes” tradition
9. Rangers (7) Rangers have deepest rotation in history of the disabled list
10. Reds (6) Shin-Soo Choo’s .420 OBP is going to make him a lot of money this winter
11. Yankees (10) Managers & coaches might feel pang of guilt this year when they vote Jeter Gold Glove
12. Indians (12) Francona doing Indians’ best managing job since Lou Brown
13. D’backs (13) Kirk Gibson has tried everyone but Byung-Hyun Kim at closer
14. Dodgers (15) Puig out with injury as Mattingly laments, “You picked a fine time to leave me, Yasiel”
15. Nationals (14) Where’s Jose Vidro when you really need him?
16. Phillies (20) Mariners hope Justin Smoak grows up to be Dominic Brown
17. Angels (16) Angels’ collapse, er, surge has left them as definite sellers, er, buyers
18. Blue Jays (19) Delabar designated for All-Star Game shortly after Thames designated for assignment
19. Royals (17) KC fans hit with panic when they realize with Francoeur gone, no one to whine about
20. Rockies (18) Not that Rockies have hit a bad stretch, but they just had a game called for a sharknado
21. Giants (22) Posey surpasses Olney, Poindexter and approaching Keaton on Buster pecking order
22. Cubs (25) Giggling neighbors grant Cubs permission to shoot fireworks at Wrigley after next title
23. Mets (26) Mets say Harvey has perfect makeup, whereas Wheeler sometimes smears the mascara
24. Mariners (23) Thrilling to see all those spry youngsters blossoming.: Franklin, Miller, Zunino…Ibanez
25. Padres (21) Padres’ surge, er, collapse has left them as definite buyers, er, sellers
26. White Sox (27) Winner of the Jeffrey Loria Trophy as “Team Most Likely To Dismantle”
27. Twins (24) As Twins plummet in standings, Gardenhire looking more like Gardenfired
28. Brewers (28) New twist in HR Derby: One day added to Braun suspension for each upper-deck shot
29. Marlins (29) LeBron took his talents to South Beach, Marlins ship their talents out of South Beach
30. Astros (30) All-Star Game much more relaxing when you’re not sweating out home-field battle
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