Bills coach Doug Marrone, boiling mad after one too many intrasquad scuffles, says fighting has no place in football.

Though he wouldn’t mind his offense adopting the must-score system.


• At “Titans say they won’t start Johnny Manziel Week 1 in desperate attempt to make the news.”

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• At “ ‘Johnny Football’ to begin season as ‘Johnny Bench.’ ”

Blunt assessment

The Steelers’ top two running backs, Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, were busted for marijuana possession during a traffic stop.

Which probably explains why their no-trade clause lists every team except Seattle and Denver.

Just asking

Since Johnny Manziel’s obscene gesture came in a preseason game, shouldn’t any resulting fines qualify for an early-bird discount?

Pass the filberts

Among the top 10 signs your team owner is nuts, from CBS’s David Letterman:

• “To provide arena security, hires Ferguson (Mo.) Police Department.

• “Insists on showering with the players.

• “Attending postgame parties, wearing ‘nothing but net.’ ”

No. 1 on the list

Best Cleveland Browns promotion waiting to happen: Johnny Manziel Foam Finger Night.

Sports quiz

From Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press: “What did new baseball commissioner Rob Manfred have to do to get the job?

a) “Pass an oral test on the unwritten rules of baseball.

b) “And do it in less than 3 hours, unlike a baseball game.

c) “Name three members of the Miami Marlins.

d) “Promise to use the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball for good and not evil.”

Missed it again

Aug. 10, in case you forgot to thank your TV remote, was National Lazy Day.

Cutting Remarks Dept.

“A NASCAR fan shaved the American flag into his chest hair,” noted Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. “A San Antonio Spurs fan had the likenesses of Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Kawhi Leonard cut into his hair.

“And, still, my barber can’t get my sideburns even?”

Quote marks

• NFL Hall of Famer Mike Ditka, to the Chicago Sun-Times, on domestic violence: “There’s no excuse … None. If you have a problem, go outside and walk around the block. If that doesn’t work, keep walking.”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on ex-Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer’s plan to rebuild the Clippers: “Control-Alt-Delete.”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, boasting the world’s most boring bucket list: “Last week I crossed off ‘driving-range balls’ and ‘KFC.’ ”


World sprint king Usain Bolt turned 28 on Thursday.

In lieu of blowing out the candles, he simply ran past the cake real fast.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or