Now that's a mound of cash. If Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez ever wanted to stack the proceeds of his new $175 million contract ...

Now that’s a mound of cash.

If Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez ever wanted to stack the proceeds of his new $175 million contract — one crisp $1 bill every second — it would take him more than 5 ½ years to finish.

And his pile of ones would be nearly 12 miles high!

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The NBA suspended Orlando forward Hedo Turkoglu for 20 games after he tested positive for steroids.

Serves his coaches right for telling him to take it strong to the basket.


• At “IOC president to meet with head of wrestling’s governing body to discuss how big of a bribe is needed to save its Olympic status.”

• At “NBA fines Hornets $200,000 for not playing star players in any games this season.”

Golfer 1, Spider 0

Swedish golfer Daniela Holmqvist used a tee to drain out the venom — and finish her round — after a deadly spider got her on the leg at an LPGA tournament qualifier in Australia.

Coincidence? Holmqvist’s approach shots suddenly had a lot more bite to them.

Upping his allowance

Talk about getting handsomely paid for playing a kids’ game.

The Baltimore Ravens could be poised to tell QB Joe Flacco “Tag, you’re it” — and hand him $14.6 million.

Bumping it outside

The NFL, saying players keep getting bigger and faster, has formed a committee to study making the playing field wider.

Apparently Packer foes complained it’s getting tougher and tougher to run around B.J. Raji and stay inbounds.

Half-dressed for success

Maybe it was just a production oversight, but SI swimsuit cover model Kate Upton forgot to put her top on this year.

Quote marks

• Steve Watts of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, after golfer Vijay Singh was the butt of jokes at last week’s AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am over his use of deer-antler spray: “It doesn’t help that Singh, who hasn’t won on the PGA Tour since 2008, is in a rut.”

• Jack Finarelli of, after four Alabama football players were arrested in connection with two armed robberies: “Parole Tide.”

• CBS’s David Letterman, on Westminster Kennel Club perks: “The winner of the dog show gets a beautiful blue ribbon and a toilet full of champagne.”

Cellblock and tackle

O.J. Simpson held a Super Bowl viewing party in his Nevada prison cell, the New York Post reported.

Alas, unlike the game, The Juice couldn’t go out in the third quarter.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or