Well, that’s one way to close the federal-budget deficit.
“The NBA fined the Toronto Raptors’ GM $25,000 for cursing,” noted Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald.
“If you start fining people in professional sports per curse word, we can fund health care.”
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• At TheOnion.com: “NFL GMs frantically studying Bleacher Report slideshow on top college prospects.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “NFL schedules Jaguars-Titans games for this weekend to get them over with.”
What in tarnation?
Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda got ejected from Wednesday’s game against the Red Sox when umpires discovered sticky tar on the back of his neck.
Guess Pineda wasn’t kidding when he said he needed to grab a little pine.
Caught on the fly
The 10th season of the Discovery Channel’s “Deadliest Catch” features this new cast member:
a) Mandy Hansen, Sig’s 18-year-old daughter
b) Cubs fan Steve Bartman
Pass the earplugs
Doctors are testing two new drugs to treat migraine headaches.
Though the lab rats have yet to face the ultimate test: five straight hours of Dick Vitale.
Cleveland QB Brian Hoyer whipped up some mussels, a grilled romaine salad, truffle beef tenderloin and grilled vegetables to win a celebrity cook-off.
Fine and dandy, Browns fans say, but can he burn a secondary?
Talking the talk
• Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, with No. 12 on his list of things that have happened since the Cubs last won a World Series in 1908: “The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered, and became the subject of major motion pictures.”
• Blogger Chad Picasner, on Seahawks fullback Michael Robinson set to guest-star on CBS’s “The Young & The Restless” soap opera: “If that’s his interest, why doesn’t he just sign with the 49ers — they have all the drama you could want.”
• CBS’s David Letterman, noting that Earth is 71 percent water: “No, wait a minute — that’s Yankee Stadium beer.”
• Ian O’Connor of ESPN.com, after Yankees pitcher Pineda got caught using pine tar: “Pineda missed two full seasons after blowing out his shoulder, and now he might miss two starts after suffering the mother of all brain cramps.”
Hold your firewater
An entrepreneur plans to open a combination saloon/indoor shooting range in Deadwood, S.D.
Just don’t make the mistake of telling the bartender: “Two quick shots, please.”
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org