Who says Tiger Woods will never get another green jacket?
Online auctioning for the ceremonial jacket belonging to Horton Smith — the first Masters winner in 1934 — reached $66,252 with four days of bidding to go.
That’s merely chump change for Tiger, right?
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• At SportsPickle.com: “Johnny Manziel says he will tone down his act per the valued advice of national sports columnists.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Raiders name Matt Flynn Week One finisher.”
Notre Dame concessionaires were left red-faced when they discovered that the 50-ounce souvenir cups they handed out at the football opener had “FIGTHING IRISH” written on them.
School officials were so incensed they fired spell-checker Lennay Kekua.
Crimson and gold
Alabama’s football team has been listed as the betting-line favorite for 43 consecutive games by Las Vegas oddsmakers, according to the Wall Street Journal.
In other words: Bankroll, Tide.
Son of Samson
Real Salt Lake midfielder Kyle Beckerman claims he hasn’t cut his hair in eight years.
“Beckerman will play five more seasons,” predicted Brad Rock of the Deseret News, “after which he will donate his hair for use as a goal net.”
To Air Is Human Dept.
Some 32 teams — including a group of mechanical-engineering students from Seattle University — will test their human-powered flying machines off a 28-foot high flight deck at the Red Bull Flugtag in Long Beach, Calif., Sept. 21.
Bonus points: Sounds like a good place to meet Mr. or Ms. Wright.
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on this year’s Wisconsin Duck and Goose Calling Championships: “In a sign of the times, instead of calling, all the ducks and geese were texted.”
• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on proof that fans at Dodger Stadium have pennant fever: “They now stay until the very end of their cellphone batteries.”
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after 49ers punter Andy Lee claimed he’s working to perfect a “knuckle punt”: “Devon Hester just bought a pair of oversized gloves.”
He’s smoked out
The Phoenix Suns have waived Michael Beasley — the No. 2 pick in the 2008 NBA draft — after yet another marijuana-related incident.
True to form, Beasley requested that the team roll his walking papers.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com