Auto insurance? Check.

Homeowners insurance? Check.

Fantasy-football insurance. Check. What?

Yes, fantasy-football owners can now take out injury policies — for up to $1,000 — on up to five of their star players to cover their league investments, reported, but it takes your stud being sidelined nine weeks to collect.

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“People are going in and basically putting in a house payment down to play fantasy sports,” said Sirius Radio’s said Ray Flowers. “So in that scenario, it just makes a lot of sense to do whatever you can to cover yourself because some of the time it’s a pretty big expenditure.”

NFL headlines

• From “Vikings invade England, leave victorious. This is not a repeat from 793 AD.”

• From “Jay Cutler proudly watches son throw first tantrum.”

Second City? Phooey

Chicago has surpassed New York City as the murder capital of the U.S.

“That’s really surprising,” noted TBS’s Conan O’Brien, since New York has twice as many NFL teams.”

Sore points

And from the Timing Is Everything file comes the 3-2 USC football team, which:

• Gave up 10 points to Washington State — and somehow lost 10-7.

• Scored 41 points against Arizona State — and somehow lost 62-41.

Excuse of the year

Former Browns QB Bernie Kosar got pulled over for DUI and threw some former teammates under the bus.

“The officer asked Kosar if he had any problems that would prevent him from standing on one leg or walking and turning,” wrote Patrick Cooley of the Cleveland Plain Dealer after reading the police report, “and Kosar said he’s had several surgeries on his knees and ankles because his line couldn’t block.”

Quote marks

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the opening week of Mavs owner Mark Cuban’s insider-trading trial: “It’s going well. So far Cuban’s only been called for two technicals and fined once.”

• U.S. skier Bode Miller, to reporters, on the controversy over Russia’s anti-gay law and the 2014 Winter Olympics: “It’s not the first time. We’ve been dealing with human-rights issues probably since there were humans.”

• CBS’s David Letterman, listing the top 10 things overheard during the Obama-Rouhani phone call: “Hold on — Rodman’s on the other line.”

• Lou Holtz, to the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, on why he wouldn’t make a good Carnival Cruise Lines spokesman: “To me, going on a cruise is like being in jail. Only you’ve got a chance to drown.”

Survivor-pool upset

So who would’ve ever guessed that the U.S. government would cease operations before the WNBA did?

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or