Stony Brook gets beaten … and then Hampton and Morehead State …

So, is anybody else’s CBI bracket already in tatters?

Madness headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Guy you haven’t talked to since fantasy football season asks if you want to be in his NCAA tourney pool.”

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• At TheOnion.com: “Warren Buffett offers $1 billion for Dick Vitale to shut up.”

He’s not Pay-Rod

Alex Rodriguez’s lawyers and private investigators in his epic legal battle with Major League Baseball are still owed a huge sum of money, a source in the case told the New York Daily News.

Or as A-Rod apologists prefer to spin it, he’s merely in an 0-for-$3 million slump.

Fit snit

In a strange twist, a woman told Oakland’s KTVU-TV that she was asked to cover up while working out at Planet Fitness Gym in Richmond, Calif., because she was intimidating her fellow patrons — by being too fit.

Reversal of fortune

The Dodgers and Diamondbacks open the 2014 baseball season this weekend in Australia.

“If the teams get off to a bad start,” wondered comedy writer Jerry Perisho, “will their entire season go down the drain counterclockwise?”

Iron shortage

Think Cal Ripken Jr. looked a tad out of place when he attended an Orlando Magic game?

“Ripken played in 2,632 consecutive games over 17 seasons in Major League Baseball,” pointed out Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel. “The Magic don’t have a single player who has played in all 67 games this year.”

Quote marks

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, after Michigan State coach Tom Izzo swallowed a sensor to measure his in-game stress levels for a sports-science TV show: “The road to the Final Four goes through … never mind.”

• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after Shaquille O’Neal revealed he spends $1,000 a week on phone apps: “At that price, wouldn’t you think he’d have found one that shows how to make free throws?”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after Paula Creamer drained a 75-footer to win an LPGA tournament in Singapore: “The putt was so long, the ball had to clear customs twice.”

• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, with the reeling Florida Panthers on a late-season nosedive: “If the Cats have not yet been mathematically eliminated in the NHL playoff chase, it’s an indictment of math.”

She knows the drill

Mary Smith of the Spokane Chiefs, who merited a Western Hockey League Distinguished Service Award this season, is certainly long in the tooth.

She’s been the team dentist since 1985.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com