Those college recruiters make the darndest promises.
“Well, I ain’t gonna say any names,” blue-chip defensive end Da’Shawn Hand told CBSsports.com, “but one coach told me that since I’m the No. 1 player, I’m gonna get to meet Michael Jackson.
“I said, ‘Isn’t he already dead?’
“The coach goes, ‘Well, all right, you can meet Tito.’
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“I was like, all right. OK, I’m done.”
In other words, beat it. Just beat it.
• At Fark.com: “That panging around in the cellar you heard was the Astros sweeping Angels in Anaheim.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Ohio State president apologizes for forgetting to insult Penn State and Rutgers.”
Anyone else have the Diamondbacks pitcher Patrick Corbin in the first-to-win-nine-games pool?
Hey, cheddar, cheddar
Tuesday, in case you missed it, was National Cheese Day.
Which might explain why Felix Hernandez was throwing more fastballs than usual.
He gives 2 percent
Royals backup catcher George Kottaras defeated Rangers reliever Robbie Ross in a cow-milking contest before Sunday’s game.
So what if Kottaras is hitting just .140 with just one homer? He’s certainly proficient on squeeze plays.
Biggest Loser Dept.
The Miami Marlins — off to a 16-42 start — are a threat to break the modern-day MLB record for losses in a season.
Looks like the 1962 New York Mets and a few cases of champagne might be spending late September at Don Shula’s house.
Pass the pacifier
Think Sid the Kid has gotten the reputation as a whiner?
Said a JetBlue pilot, en route to Boston, over the intercom when a baby began acting up: “Is that Sidney Crosby in the back crying?”
• Hall of Fame defensive end Deacon Jones, who died Monday at 74, to the L.A. Times: “The headslap was not my invention, but Rembrandt, of course, did not invent painting.”
• Tennis player Mikhail Youzhny, to AP, on how he lost to 35-year-old Tommy Haas at the French Open: “I give him too many chances (to) play well. That’s why he play well.”
• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, after the reeling Marlins called up veteran utility man Ed Lucas after 10 years in the minors: “I wonder if he could tell the difference.”
Scientists have discovered a planet 300 light years from earth.
Or roughly the same distance between the Marlins and playoff contention.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org