Those college recruiters make the darndest promises.

“Well, I ain’t gonna say any names,” blue-chip defensive end Da’Shawn Hand told, “but one coach told me that since I’m the No. 1 player, I’m gonna get to meet Michael Jackson.

“I said, ‘Isn’t he already dead?’

“The coach goes, ‘Well, all right, you can meet Tito.’

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“I was like, all right. OK, I’m done.”

In other words, beat it. Just beat it.


• At “That panging around in the cellar you heard was the Astros sweeping Angels in Anaheim.”

• At “Ohio State president apologizes for forgetting to insult Penn State and Rutgers.”

Just wondering

Anyone else have the Diamondbacks pitcher Patrick Corbin in the first-to-win-nine-games pool?

Hey, cheddar, cheddar

Tuesday, in case you missed it, was National Cheese Day.

Which might explain why Felix Hernandez was throwing more fastballs than usual.

He gives 2 percent

Royals backup catcher George Kottaras defeated Rangers reliever Robbie Ross in a cow-milking contest before Sunday’s game.

So what if Kottaras is hitting just .140 with just one homer? He’s certainly proficient on squeeze plays.

Biggest Loser Dept.

The Miami Marlins — off to a 16-42 start — are a threat to break the modern-day MLB record for losses in a season.

Looks like the 1962 New York Mets and a few cases of champagne might be spending late September at Don Shula’s house.

Pass the pacifier

Think Sid the Kid has gotten the reputation as a whiner?

Said a JetBlue pilot, en route to Boston, over the intercom when a baby began acting up: “Is that Sidney Crosby in the back crying?”

Quote marks

• Hall of Fame defensive end Deacon Jones, who died Monday at 74, to the L.A. Times: “The headslap was not my invention, but Rembrandt, of course, did not invent painting.”

• Tennis player Mikhail Youzhny, to AP, on how he lost to 35-year-old Tommy Haas at the French Open: “I give him too many chances (to) play well. That’s why he play well.”

• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, after the reeling Marlins called up veteran utility man Ed Lucas after 10 years in the minors: “I wonder if he could tell the difference.”

Far out

Scientists have discovered a planet 300 light years from earth.

Or roughly the same distance between the Marlins and playoff contention.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or