It’s the sack of the year — 80 football players on one play!
Union High School coach Matt Labrum of Roosevelt, Utah — angered by his players’ behavior toward fellow students, teachers and classwork — suspended the whole lot of them.
“The lack of character we are showing off the field is outshining what we are achieving on the field,” Labrum wrote in a letter to his players. “It is a privilege to play this wonderful game. We must earn the opportunity to have the honor to put on our high-school jerseys each Thursday and Friday night!”
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To earn reinstatement, players had to perform community service, attend study hall, take a class on character development and write a report on it. By midweek, all but nine were back.
• From Fark.com: “Cubs lower the bar even more by having three different opponents clinch a playoff spot and/or division title against them in one week.”
• From blogger Chad Picasner: “In an odd turn of events, Eric Wedge, manager of the Seattle Mariners, fired the Mariners today …”
Jurickson Profar, the Rangers’ 20-year-old infielder, earned himself a clubhouse beer shower after hitting a walkoff home run last week — but no underage-drinking laws were violated, apparently.
“Well, he didn’t drink any,” closer Joe Nathan explained to the Dallas Morning News. “He just wore it. Clothes aren’t under age.”
New twist on take-out
Lions receiver Nate Burleson broke his arm when he crashed his car while trying to save a couple pizzas from sliding off his front seat.
Making him the first football player ever stopped by just two in the box.
He’s in single digits
Lose the end of a finger while making a tackle? No biggie, insists Cardinals safety Rashad Johnson, who told ArizonaSports.com: “At the end of the day, I’ve got nine more.”
Pass the O.J.
Among O.J. Simpson’s excuses for stealing prison-cafeteria cookies, from CBS’s David Letterman:
• “They were mine — I was stealing them back.
• “It will all be explained in my upcoming book, ‘If I Ate It.’ ”
• Rich Eisen of the NFL Network, during St. Louis’ 35-11 debacle vs. the 49ers: “Five more punts and the Rams will have as many punts as rushing yards. It’s doable.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on O.J. ’s cookie-stealing: “What’s his defense going to be — if my clothes still fit, you must acquit?”
• Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express, trumpeting the Vikings-Steelers game in London: “Cassel faces Big Ben.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, with what passes for trash-talking in staid America’s Cup yachting circles: “Your matriarch is so plus-sized, her cotillion dress is a spinnaker.”
Penalty on the play
The NFL fined Panthers QB Cam Newton $10,000 for using a non-approved manufacter’s visor clips on his helmet.
Clipping penalty? No kidding.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org