What do you get when you cross Toronto’s embattled mayor with pro sports’ most controversial team nickname?
Answer: an awkward NFL promo.
“Rehab is amazing,” cocaine-tooting Rob Ford told the Toronto Sun. “It reminds me of football camp. Kind of like the Washington Redskins camp I went to as a kid.”
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• At Fark.com: “Today’s NFL cheerleader-mistreatment lawsuit comes from the Jets and surprisingly has nothing to do with Brett Favre.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Mel Kiper trapped for 3 days under toppled big board.”
Bowl is empty
The Bowling Proprietors Association of America has canceled the sport’s 2015 U.S. Open, citing lack of interest from sponsors.
Apparently no one had money to spare.
One in a million
The Class A Clinton (Wis.) LumberKings — trailing 17-1 after five innings — stormed back for a 20-17 Midwest League win over the Burlington (Iowa) Bees.
“So I was telling them there’s a chance,” bragged LumberKings manager Lloyd Christmas.
Paging Bryce Harper
And with the first pick in the NFL draft, the Houston Texans … finally answered that Clowney question, bro.
Caught in a rundown
Nationals manager Matt Williams, en route to a game, got his car sideswiped by a driver who quickly fled the scene.
Alert stat geeks immediately declared it a club record for the earliest hit-and-run.
Take this job …
Warriors owner Joe Lacob said Mark Jackson — fired as the team’s coach despite a 51-31 record this season — “probably could do a little better job of managing up and sideways.”
Coincidence? Jackson’s reaction to that comment probably included the words “up” and “sideways,” too.
• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on the possibility of Oprah Winfrey buying the L.A. Clippers: “Sources say she plans to interview players about expressing their feelings in non-confrontational ways and slimming down for their high school reunions.”
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on the University of Utah saying it will tweak the lyrics in the school fight song: “In fact, when they’re done, it will be more of a ‘mild disagreement’ song.”
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, after Oregon State fired basketball coach Craig Robinson, the brother-in-law of President Obama: “Can a drone strike be far behind?”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Bills cheerleaders complaining they had to pay $650 for their uniforms: “I’ve seen some of those outfits; that’s about $100 a square inch.”
Going two sets
Roger Federer’s wife Mirka has given birth to twin boys — five years after they produced twin girls.
Or as the feat is now known in pediatric circles: mixed doubles.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org