Dropping the baton shouldn't be an issue. Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald will conduct the national anthem for opening night at the...

Dropping the baton shouldn’t be an issue.

Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald will conduct the national anthem for opening night at the Phoenix Symphony on Thursday.


• At SportsPickle.com: “Vancouver Canucks quickly eliminated from NHL lockout.”

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• At Fark.com: “No Hockey League.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Fireworks now go off every time Astros make an out.”

Closing time

State University of New York at Geneseo is forfeiting its entire women’s volleyball season and 11 Knights players face criminal charges in an alcohol-related hazing of eight new team members, Rochester’s WHEC-TV reported.

Guess it was pretty obvious who spiked the punch.

Necessary roughness

Tampa Bay defenders — riddled by Eli Manning for 510 yards in a 41-34 loss on Sunday — broke NFL protocol by roughing up the Giants QB as he took a knee to run out the clock, but it’s hard to blame the Bucs on this one.

Hey, they just wanted to know what it felt like to actually touch him.

News flash

Dateline Foxborough, Mass.: Patriots fans blaming 20-18 loss to Cardinals on kickers eating chicken and drinking beer in the locker room.

Rassler gone wild

Former WWE performer Tamara Lynn Sytch was arrested three nights in a row last week in Connecticut for assaulting her boyfriend and violating protective orders filed against her.

Lots of luck trying to convince a jury that she was just faking it this time.

Talking the talk

• Vancouver (B.C.) comic Torben Rolfsen, after Falcons RB Michael Turner was charged with DUI just hours after Monday night’s win: “He must have been really out of it, because he asked if a replacement official could administer the sobriety test.”

• Former NFL defensive end Marcellus Wiley, via Twitter, after Columbia’s football team won — and USC lost — on the same day: “I’m stocking up on all non-perishable goods right now because something’s about to happen!”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the dreadful Astros: “Their only web gems this year came on ‘Bring Your Glove Night.’ “

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Kentucky’s new $7 million basketball dorm: “It’s almost enough to make the players wish they were staying more than a year.”

Vroom for one more

A New Hampshire woman had to make an emergency pit stop after going into labor and gave birth to a girl in the New Hampshire Motor Speedway parking lot.

The kid certainly stands out: It’s the only one in the hospital nursery wearing checkered-flag diapers.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com